Post #55: There's No Right or Wrong

Sometimes there’s a thin line between right and wrong and things get so messy that you don’t even know what you’re about to say or already said will make the person in front of you tick or not. Let me elaborate a bit more, I don’t want to sound too philosophical, but you be the judge once you’ve read this post.

Amr: So what did your parents say about me? I want to know everything, down to every detail!

Me: Are you sure you can handle it?

Amr: Oh, was it bad?

Me: No, I’m just messing with you.

Amr: Ok good, you know I wanted to leave a good impression on them.

I started telling him how much they enjoyed his company and admired his personality, on being so young and yet very successful. My dad had a lot to say about him, positive things, which was weird because my dad rarely gives feedback about other people and that only meant he really liked him.

Amr: How about your mum, more details!

Me: Mum loved you, like A LOT. She even got a little bit too excited and started asking when we would take things to the next step.

I didn’t even realize I said something wrong until I saw the look on his face. A look that lasted only for a second, but I saw it. It was the kind of look someone gives when something caught them by surprise and not in a good way. Shit, I really didn’t want to freak him out, especially since things were going smoothly.

Amr: Oh! So what did you tell her?

Me: I just laughed, didn’t say much.

I was hoping this would comfort him a bit, me being extremely cool about it, as if it’s not on my mind yet. Honestly, I didn’t like his reaction that much, but decided to let it go. It’s fine, some guys simply freak out when it comes to commitment, or they like to think things are going their own way, it’s understandable.

A few days passed by and we were invited to Iftar at Habiba’s place, apparently she was very excited to see us all. She has been so busy with Rafik lately and barely had any time for us, so she wanted to make up for that by cooking something delicious. I wonder if she could even cook, I was worried about that.

I came to the office early on the day of Habiba’s Iftar, because Amr and I had to leave relatively early to try and help Habiba out. He came in much later than expected and was kind of grumpy, he didn’t say he was, but I could see it.

Me: What’s wrong with you?

Amr: We have to talk.

Me: Sure babe, what’s on your mind?

He closed the door behind him and it seemed like it was serious. Luckily Karima (the intern) called in sick today or things would have been a bit awkward. Oh, did I tell you she actually continued coming to the office with a very much adjusted attitude? I’m starting to like her!

Amr: I’ve been holding on this ever since you told me about your mum’s comment, but since I prefer honesty, I’d rather speak about this.

Me: What’s there to speak about? You know my mum says all sorts of random stuff, you shouldn’t pay much attention to her, plus it’s not like I actually think the same way.

Amr: There’s something I haven’t really told you, and it’s one of the main reasons why I freaked about your mother’s comment.

I started getting worried. What was it? What could he possibly want to say with such a serious face?

Me: Can you please tell me? I’m starting to get worried.

Amr: Sit down first. I know I should have been honest about this, but it was such a long time ago, that it isn’t even the first thing that comes to mind. I have always been the person who freaks out when it comes to serious relationships, not always, but for a long time, until you came along and then things changed. I liked you ever since I saw you. Before you, I wasn’t planning to get myself into anything serious again.

Me: Again? What does that mean?

Amr: It means (pause)

Me: I think now is a good time to actually talk, I’m really starting to get worried.

Amr: Let me rephrase, I’m totally against the idea of getting married, or was, because I used to be married before.

Oh GOD! Is this some sort of a prank? Could it be? I know Amr well enough to know that he wouldn’t joke about these kind of things. I just stared at him, waiting for him to tell me that it’s not true. See the thing is, I don’t mind him being married before, but the fact that he waited only until now to tell me was HUGE for me. I was so shocked. You can tell, right?

Me: What do you mean you were married before? And why is it the first time I hear about this? I’ve known you for quite a long time now, and this is the first time you ever bring it up?

Amr: I don’t like to talk about it because it was such a long time ago, honestly it sometimes skips my mind.

Me: Fair enough, I get that, but it should not skip your mind when it’s me! I mean when you’re with someone you should be honest about stuff like that. I was very honest about everything I went through, I’m sure you know, and that’s exactly what I expect from you.

Amr: Stop talking and at least let me finish my sentence.

Me: No! Sorry, I can’t deal with that now. I can’t believe you…

I didn’t even know what I was doing, I just grabbed my purse and laptop and stormed out of the office. I closed my phone and went straight to Habiba’s place.

Habiba: Is everything ok?

Me: Yes!

Habiba: But you don’t seem ok.

Me: I don’t want to talk about it. When I’m ready I’ll talk.

She knew better than to keep poking and decided it was wiser to let me be. I kept myself busy for a few hours helping her prepare for Iftar without even noticing what time it was. My mind was elsewhere, I wasn’t thinking straight, things were just so blurry.

Dina: Hey, it’s not even possible for you to cut that carrot into tinier pieces.

I turned around and apparently people were already arriving and I did really cut the carrots to the tiniest pieces without noticing. As soon as I saw Dina, I started crying and hugged her.

Dina: Let’s step out of the kitchen for a second. Maybe to Habiba’s room?

Me: Ok!

I told her everything and at first she was stunned. She didn’t know what to say either, but after she gave it some thought she started to calm me down a bit.

Dina: I would have heard him out till the end before storming out.

Me: Well, it was a shock. It felt like it was Billy all over again.

Dina: It’s not, Amr is much more decent than Billy.

Me: Is he?

Dina: I’m sure he is! You should speak to him once you calm down. There’s no wrong or right here, it’s only about what you feel like doing. I know you well, and once you’re calmer, you would want to listen to him to see if he has a good enough reason or not.

Me: You’re right. I’ll think about it.

We chitchatted about some other things, I put some makeup on so no one would know I was crying and then we went down to greet the rest of our friends.

Surprise, surprise, who was there? Billy! I only saw him once we all sat down the table and were about to eat. He smiled at me, I could tell that he missed me, or was I just flattering myself? Could be!

Habiba: Guys, I have some big news I’d love to share with you all. That’s mainly one of the reasons I gathered you all today.

Billy: Exciting, seems like we all have news to share!

Habiba: You go first then hehe

Billy: No you first, I don’t want to steal your thunder.

Habiba: No please you first.

Dina: Common guys, stop acting as if you’re polite people, we all know you too well. Now spill it!

A moment of silence and then Habiba and Billy blurted out their news in the very same second:

Habiba: We’re getting married in September! -  Billy: Nathalie and I got a divorce!

Most of the people on the table had the exact same reaction: WHAT?

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