October 01, 2020 05:25 PM | by Farida Abdel Malek
Chrissy Teigen Bravely Words the Reality of Miscarriage and Greif
I had a dream when I was younger that I lost a baby. Until this day, I have never forgotten that dream or forgotten how it made me feel. After a couple of years I had a couple of other dreams that revolved around the same thing, and ever since then it created this enormous fear inside me that I wouldn't be able to have children or that I would lose one.
This morning we woke up with to news that made our hearts heavy. Chrissy Teigen bravely shared on her Instagram that she had lost her baby. Her pregnancy was difficult, she had been on bed rest because her placenta was really weak. She talked about the pain she and her family are going through and it really woke us up. It made us realize that not enough people know about the reality of something as difficult as a miscarriage, both physically and emotionally. Her post opened up a space for so much bravery and love. Along with people sending her and her family prayers and love, other shared their stories giving her support and saying beautiful positive things in hope to help her feel lighter. She also wrote a beautiful thing at the end that I think every women, man and parent should read to remind them that it's okay to grieve and mourn, but also to be grateful and love and believe you can get through this.
"We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience. But everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it."
I remember hearing stories around me being said by my friends that their moms have had a few miscarriages. It was very confusing for me how these women were able to bear going through this not only once, but a few times. I now know that it is unfortunately very common and a risk with any pregnancy. 10 to 15 in a 100 pregnancies end in miscarriages, however, most women who have miscarried before go on to have healthy pregnancies later.
I think no matter how hard your try, you can never actually be emotionally prepared for something like that, but I still feel like there is not enough talk, support and discussion about how miscarriages are a extremely difficult loss for parents. They grieve, say goodbye and mourn their baby, even if the pregnancy didn't last long.
Mothers always say that from the moment they find out they're pregnant, there's an instant connection and this baby, even if it's still the size of a pea, feels like their entire world. And so it can be extremely difficult and an immense shock to have to say goodbye to something you knew was a part of you and was growing inside you. So, with a miscarriage, some mothers find it very difficult to recover from it. However, it is a lot easier for others, so there really isn't a right or wrong way to feel. I think the most important think is not to try and resist or push any certain feeling. Let yourself feel whatever you're feeling and give yourself time to grieve if you want. However, if you feel ready to move on, do that freely and don't feel guilty about that at all.
After anger and grief, depression can be very hard to get out of for the woman and her partner as well. As a woman your body is also going through that loss with you and there can be a lot hormonal changes that can really affect your mental health. So it can be really difficult having to grieve and deal with postpartum depression at the same time. Depression and anxiety can get you in whirlwind of thoughts, like whether you'll be able to have children, if you did something wrong or if you'll ever stop feeling this way again. It's important to remember that so many women go through this and go on to later have many children, and that your mental health now is the most important thing. You and your partner can lean on each other and remind each other that you will both get through this. Also, there is no shame in seeing a therapist. Therapy can help you process your emotions, voice your fears and be able to recover and come out stronger.
Main Image Credits: Instagram @chrissyteigen
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