Why We Should Stop Blaming Our Parents for Childhood Traumas and Move Forward

“Listen, Ali, you want to blame all your problems on me? No problem, fine; I'm a selfish mother who only thinks about herself. Sure, I'm your mother; I have to endure whatever you say. But not the people around you, don't hang your problems on others, especially decisions you are responsible for.” This was the response of Amir Eid's mother, played by Esayed Younis, in the series 'Dawa'ei Al-Safar,' when he decided to blame her for all his actions and mistakes, accusing her of being the reason for what he does today to himself and those around him. Wait! Isn't this what most of us do? I won't say all of us, but some of us had a childhood that was not happy, maybe harsh, full of shocks and traumas, leaving scars and deep wounds inside us that still affect our decisions to this day. Or, as mental health specialists say, 'our inner child is still suffering.' But does that mean we can just blame our parents for everything? Will pointing fingers at them really change anything? Honestly, no. Like Amir's mom says, even if we blame them,it doesn't excuse our own actions.

Psychologists say that the wounds and scars from childhood trauma are not your responsibility, but healing is your responsibility! At first, I thought that was kinda unfair—like, why should I have to fix something I didn't break? Shouldn't it be on the ones who caused it? But over time, I saw it differently...

Why should we stop blaming our parents?

Blaming our parents won't change a thing, plain and simple. Trust me, sitting there pointing fingers won't undo what's happened or magically fix your choices. You might feel stuck in time, making the same mistakes over and over, and guess who ends up paying the price? Yep, it's you. 

I've never seen anyone's life turn around just by blaming their folks for what went down. Actually, it usually goes the other way—I've seen people get stuck in the past, hurting themselves and everyone around them until they don't even recognize who they've become. So, instead of playing the blame game, maybe it's time to stop. It's okay to tell your parents how you feel, if you can. Maybe ask for help if they're up for it, without expecting a certain response because it might not go how you hope. The key is to move forward without dragging all that baggage along.

When should we stop blaming our parents for childhood traumas?

When you finally decide to turn things around and give yourself a fresh start, that's when the real change kicks in. I get it, some of us had rough childhoods that are hard to shake off. But once you make that choice to aim for a better life, blaming your parents for what went down starts to fade away. Instead, you face up to what happened, accept the scars it left, and start dealing with them, bit by bit, until you heal. It's all about moving forward and taking charge of your own happiness.

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How do I stop blaming my parents for childhood traumas?

The answer is not easy, and even if I summarize it in points, its implementation is the hardest part. But as long as we try, we will be able to overcome this pain.
 

1- Realize that your parents are also humans

I've to admit, it hit me hard when I started seeing my parents as regular people. It made me accept a lot of things, even though we'd had our ups and downs. Just think about it—before they were parents, they were living their own lives, making their own mistakes, and carrying their own baggage from their parents. They've been through stuff, just like we have.

When you start seeing them this way, it changes things. You start treating them more like adults who've been through the wringer, not just your mom or dad. Maybe they didn't always realize the impact of their actions on us. Maybe their own past messed them up more than they could handle. There are a million ways it could go down, but one thing's for sure—they're human, just like you and me.

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2- Ask for an explanation

The thing that has hurt me personally until today is that I was not able to ask for an explanation for many things. It's the toughest thing to do, but if I ever get the chance and muster up the guts, I'll go for it without second-guessing.

So, if you're in the same boat, maybe it's time to sit down and calmly ask your parents about what went down in your childhood. No blaming or attacking—just bring up the events and be open to hearing their side of things. It's not about excusing what happened back then, but trying to understand where they were coming from. Who knows, their perspective might shed light on something deeper that you need to work through.

3- Apologize to your inner child

Every day, I stand in front of the mirror and talk to myself. I apologize to that girl who went through stuff she never signed up for. I try to reassure her that everything, no matter how rough, will eventually pass. That's just life, right? We learn from it all.

Those tough moments that seemed like they'd never end? They did. And now, looking back, they don't sting as much as they used to. Time really does heal, even if we can't see it in the moment.

4- Forgive!

Forgiving isn't just about others; it's about giving yourself a break too. Holding onto all that anger is like lugging around a ton of bricks—it weighs you down. The more we let go and forgive, the lighter we feel, and the more we can embrace life.

Sure, forgiving can be tough—I get it. But trust me, it's worth it. People mess up, they hurt us, but forgiving them is about wanting peace and a happier life for ourselves. It's about moving forward without that heavy load on our shoulders.

Always remember, healing is the end of the war between you and yourself..