April 07, 2021 03:06 PM | by The Fustany Team
Online Dating Stories: A Hopeless Romantic on a Dating App
Hi everyone, I'm Huda, a helpless romantic 30 year old woman. I grew up dreaming of a prince charming and a beautiful love story. It doesn't need to be epic or grand. Just to exist and have a happy ever after. Of course, as I aged and matured I realized life is not very rosy and there are no epic love stories in real life. But that never stopped me from looking for love.
Whenever I start a relationship I throw so much of myself in it and try to make it work, but then when I feel like the guy is not as invested in it as I am, I start to pull back. Or the guy freaks out and decides he's not ready for that much passion or intensity, or whatever the hell he thinks it is.
As the years went by I started to feel very insecure about that whole romance thing. I tried casual dating or blind dating, which is something I used to flat out refuse in my early twenties. Some were promising, like that lawyer who was doing his best to impress me. Being the perfect gentleman, he opens doors, pays for everything, gets me flowers, and all that jazz, but it always felt like he was faking it. He never talked too much about himself or his life. He didn't even like to tell me names of people significant in his life, which was... weird.
Another guy seemed like he was genuine and we had a lot of fun together whenever we met. He took me to amusement parks, which was perfect for my childlike heart. We went on museum dates, treasure hunts, football matches, and cozy live concerts. But for some reason I couldn't feel any attraction to him. Looking back, I think it was because we never shared any intimate or quiet moments. It was all about having fun, joking around and doing physical activities but never about bonding.
I think I went a bit off track, haha, so anyway, I reached a point where it feels like I met everyone I could meet through my own lifestyle or through friends or family connection and still haven't found my other half.
Online dating was never an option for me, but as I saw many of my friends using dating apps and meeting decent people, not at all like the vision I had in my mind about what these apps are used for, I felt like I could give it a shot too. Why not?
I was very cautious though. Writing in my profile a little bit about myself but made sure to say "Would you like to take our time to get to know each other slowly?" Just to let them know that I'm not into one night stands or just casually hanging out. It'd also take a lot for me to actually swipe right on a guy, I needed to get a vibe off of their profiles that they could be into building something meaningful or take things slow. Every couple of weeks or something, I'd log in, browse through the app for half an hour and if I'm lucky enough I swipe on 3 or 4 guys at most. That for sure didn't help me match with anyone, and I'm 100% convinced that the sentence in my bio scared so many people off.
After about 2 months I got my first notification that I matched with someone! Along with another notification of a message from the guy I matched with. The moment I saw them my nerves shot right up and I didn't even know what to do? What's the online dating etiquette? Do I respond right away or should I wait for a few minutes to not seem too eager? I had no idea.
I ended up asking my closest friend for a crash course on online dating so I know what I'm getting myself into. After that I messaged him back and we started chatting. I didn't get my hopes too high because it doesn't make any sense that I'd be lucky enough to find the perfect guy for me on the first match. We spent a few weeks just chatting online, talking about our interests, our hobbies, our ambitions in life. I was so happy that he respected my wishes of taking it slow and our chats were never pressuring for me in any way.
I started itching to take it to the next step and see each other in real life. So, I asked him out and we decided to meet at one of my favorite cafés, something chill and casual. It felt exciting to be finally going on a date together. I went in and he was already there waiting for me. We recognized each other immediately with huge smiles on our faces. I sit down, in my head looking forward to a two sided conversation, but then he starts talking, and talking, and then more talking.
He couldn't stop. It's like he wants to tell me his whole life story in one date and I'm just giving him a bunch of hmmms and ohhhs mixed in with a bit of facial expressions that match whatever he's saying. What is even happening? Has he not talked with someone for a long time? Is he always like this? Or is he a lonely person who's craving attention? It was just too much and I couldn't even process the situation or the things he was telling me.
He started off with his education, school and college life in full detail down to the hours he studied, his favorite teachers and how many crushes he had. I thought it might have been a super important part of his life that somehow affects how he is today and that's where he was going with this... BUT NO! He switched from this to how he decided to travel abroad to try and find work there and the people he met who helped him throughout. Notably, they were mostly influential women, who he flirted with a bunch of times and they were charmed to set him up for a promotion or a higher job position in another company. A bit creepy to be honest, don't you think?
I was so uncomfortable I wanted to fake an emergency just to leave. Then, I told myself to not be too rushed in my judgement and actually give him a fair chance. The stuff he was talking about was many years ago, and he might've changed or it might not have been as bad as he made it sound. I'll ask a few questions to understand a bit more if he really has a habit of taking advantage of women or not. However, I couldn't stop his rambling long enough to ask anything at all.
It didn't stop there and next thing I know he starts talking about his past relationships, his hookups and one night stands and his sexual habits.
How could I even respond to that? It was all so overwhelming to me. But then it got worse when he asked ME to tell him about my past relationships... Dude we just met today! Isn't this a conversation for like the 5th date or something? I told him as much but his reply was: "Since we're gonna get there anyway, why wait? I like to shortcut the filler stuff and just be open with any and all topics." Well yeah, but not on a first date, and not without me even managing to say 3 complete sentences since I got here.
I zoned out completely for the rest of the date and was just hoping he stops talking soon or that someone would call me so I can pretend that I need to go, call it a night and then never agree to see him again. Next thing I know, he's holding my hand and locking our fingers together... I softly told him it's too soon, I'm not comfortable with hand holding just yet and he let me go. Another few minutes and he holds my hands again. DOES HE EVER LISTEN? It feels like he's a completely different person than the one I was talking to over texts.
I pulled my hand away again and told him not to do it again, that I'm not used to him just yet and that he should respect my wishes even if it's for something as little as hand holding. Thankfully he didn't do it again until the end of the date. I left and never replied to any of his messages after.
That doesn't mean I stopped using the online dating app. It's been a bit over 3 weeks since I last matched with someone but never getting past the chatting phase. Do you think I could actually find someone I might like and who might be looking for a deeper connection over there?
Main Image Credits: Instagram @thechanelsimone
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