August 17, 2021 11:12 AM | by Sara Ismail
What It’s Like Always Being The Single Friend
It’s 2021 and dating is even weirder than ever, finding an eligible bachelor (and by this we just mean someone we found a genuine connection with) is like finding a pot of gold. Almost impossible. It’s like we're playing hide and seek. And when we do meet a new guy, he’s cute for three days before he totally blows it. It makes you question yourself sometimes, and how other people have found people and are in fact happy. But it’s not supposed to be this way, we’re supposed to be looking for ourselves while looking for other people. This is a look into the mind of the single girl and a brief questioning of her thoughts.
Image credits: selenite.soul8
Stop overthinking and questioning the why and how
It sucks, we get it. Everyone around you is constantly in one romantic affair or another, sometimes to the point where it makes you think, wow, already? Didn’t you just say you were taking some time to focus on yourself? When you are constantly the one ‘focusing on herself’ whatever that means anymore, your mind tends to wonder why it’s you who’s not in a relationship? Sometimes you even feel left out. You keep thinking, when is my Prince Charming coming? We shouldn’t be thinking about why we're single, but instead how we can benefit from this time alone by focusing on ourselves.
How you should be thinking: Don’t overanalyse the why am I single part, there’s no point and it’s just a constant loop. You shouldn’t analyse past 'almost' flings or relationships either, yes, the events of these relationships did change the course of the future, but that was for the best. It’s hard to think about because it makes you question yourself, but nothing is wrong with you. Despite the constant paranoia something is, you have to realise this is your mind playing on its own insecurities.
Understand that life has a plan of its own
Maybe, or factually, life's plan for you is not just determined by your current relationship status. We don’t know who or what will be around tomorrow, in the next ten years, or if we’ll even be here by then (global warming may be the death of us, save the turtles guys). Apart from the facts of the matter, life really does have its own plan for you. Maybe you are one of the lucky people that don’t have to go through several bad serious relationships to find the one, maybe you only get one real love, and that’s more than enough. Each one’s path of discovery is different from the other, your very own mental journey. So, if you’re currently not seeing someone, or you are, these are each individual lessons to learn. Changing our thought processes is what can help us discover versions of ourselves we didn’t even know existed and adapting our thoughts and selves to life along the way.
How you should be thinking: Trust the process, seriously! Know that when the time is finally right everything will fall into place. You will meet that special someone, but when you’re mentally ready. A partner is a plus not a need, whether you have one or not shouldn’t be a factor in your personal growth. Take J-lo and Ben Affleck for example, they took a break for years and got back together after they had worked on themselves and their individual careers.
Realise that your hopelessly romantic friends may really be hopeless
We’re usually in awe when our friends are happy with someone, like we can already hear the wedding bells. It’s genuinely adorable and we love our friend’s new partner and seeing them happy together. But, maybe sometimes we should question hopeless romantics? Sometimes there are common patterns of behaviour that regard leaving a relationship and jumping into another, which is sceptical. Whether they realise it or not, these people have not created a space where they can have some time for themselves and work and grow. This will initially create a better you for someone to find one day. Apart from this, there is no point dwelling on why something hasn’t happened for you yet. It will when the time is right.
How you should be thinking: Take into consideration what meets the eye isn’t always reality. Don’t feel insecure of being single, sometimes it for the best. This isn’t to say your friends who are actively dating are wrong, they are not but they have set their own way and are actively pursuing, and that’s fine but it’s not for you. We each have our own path and plan. Focus on the best version of you.
Image credits: selenite.soul8
It’s okay to give objective advice
You will find you yourself giving advice and you don't know whether it's the right thing to do or not due to the fact that you doubt your own experiences you also don't know if it's ideal for the single friend to give advice when she has the least experience. It's completely normal to be emotionally invested in your friends’ relationships, everyone is. But, you also shouldn’t be doubting yourself and whether you’re qualified to give your input, because these are rationalised thoughts and conclusions that you have gathered through your own past experience or that of others.
How you should be thinking: Reassure yourself that your opinion and the way you experience things is valid, and that just because you don’t have similar relationship history doesn’t mean you don’t have your own experiences to give your input. Your opinion may actually be very important to specific situations, as you are a third party and can look at things objectively and without bias. You learn from situations happening around you, and your mind subconsciously takes mental notes.
That reminds us, don’t demean your own experiences
Don’t demean the relationships you had that didn’t work out, it did not have to have a label to mean something. Very often things do not work out in the initial first stage because of the intensity of the connection, fear of commitment or opening up. This often leaves people mourning each other without actually ever officially being together, and we relate a lot to that. You know that one guy you can never really get over? The actual what happened with him is and will remain blurry, but you knew there was something there and you were just both scared?
How you should be thinking: Remember it didn’t work for a reason, but also remember it happened for a reason. Remind yourself that it's not the relationship status that is an indication of the love you felt, but the indirectness of it all. You do not have to do the whole ‘but we were never together’ in order to feel better. Every experience is its own lesson you get to understand a little bit more of yourself each time. We must adapt our mentality to develop through time. We get to understand how and why we function in certain ways, such as in our friendships and relationships. Remember that your own personal journey is a strength, and you should be proud girl.
Image credits: selenite.soul8
The phrase ‘you get what you attract’ is very literal in the sense, the energy you put forward is the one that returns back to you. If you expel greatness, you will receive it. You need to manifest the best partner for yourself. Be the person you want to date. Don’t wait around for the perfect partner to come, be the perfect partner so when a potential love interest shows up, you yourself are ready and able to accept.
How you should be thinking: Manifest the greatness you deserve, in order for it to come. You will attract what you put out there. Remember that being single, the only emotional tie you are responsible for is the one with yourself. We only live once, and there’s no point on dwelling on how we’re living it. Everyone’s journey is different, and we should be enjoying ourselves along the way. By making the most of it, we will live a life of very minimal or no regrets. You know what they say, it’s always greener on the other side, but that’s only true when you wet it.
Main Image Credits: Movie: How to be Single
L.O.V.E, a four letter word with so much more behind it. Explore it all in our Love & Relationships section.