November 24, 2020 03:20 PM | by Jasmine Kamal
10 Things a Woman Could Expect When Getting Divorced
Divorce. A scary word to many people. But sometimes reality hits, things don't work out and we're forced to have to deal with it. We see problems with divorce on social media, with friends, family and generally what divorce does to a woman. Whatever the reasons behind the divorce, there could be things along the process that might surprise you or even shock you. So, today in order to help in the smallest way with how to prepare for a divorce, for a woman, we wanted to shed light on what you should know about divorce and what to expect from the things that many people experienced and learnt from.
10 things a woman could expect when getting divorced
1. People around you not accepting the divorce
Although the decision is completely personal, not everyone deals with it well. So, when you make this decision, be prepared that maybe even the majority of those around you could find it hard not to accept this decision, and might even try to change your mind. It also happens from close friends. As you know, society’s view of divorce still needs to change.
2. Having the blame placed on you
You may be surprised that even those close to you, including family, could begin, even if they mean well, slightly fault you or blame you for the failure of the marriage. Some often hear the words "You could have tried harder." Never give in to their words and blame, or lead it to blaming yourself. This is your life and you are the only one who knows what's right for you in your heart. Distinguish between those who're helping you, giving you advice and those who are just faulting or blaming you.
3. Blame yourself!
Unfortunately, too often, as a result of this difficult decision and the words of those around us, we start to believe that it is our fault and that we could have worked harder on the relationship. So we start blaming ourselves and feeling guilty about everything. But all you have to do is be honest with yourself, and realize that you did the most you can and if you feel like it's the right step then it's. step you need to take and learn from.
Note: In order to protect yourself as much as possible from self blame, try to sit with your decision, think about it carefully and think of your happiness so you can have complete confidence and be completely comfortable with your decision.
4. Stress and emotional manipulation
It is possible for people around you and even your husband to pressure you out of divorce and use emotional manipulation. For example, you could hear things like you won't be happy alone or you won't be able to remarry again. Some husbands say that they wanted to do the things that made her happy, but his behavior was her fault. Or they start reminding her of the good times they had and that she wouldn't be this happy without him. Also, sometimes children are used, as a way to pressure her into continuing the relationship.
5. Promises from him to avoid divorce
Usually when a woman insists on divorce, the guy begins to use false promises as a way to try and keep the marriage going. Things like; he'll change, their life and relationship will be better and things will be more stable. These could be genuine, but it's important to sit, think carefully about them and wether you truly believe that things will improve or not.
6. The divorce not proceeding smoothly
As you know, divorce is not easy for both partners and no matter how hard they try, things get complicated and might not go as smoothly as they anticipated. The husband might also find it hard to accept, so you can expect some resistance or procrastination to avoid finalizing the divorce.
7. Children asking questions and rejecting the idea
If you're a mother with young children, be prepared for their questions and curiosity. It will be very hard for them to understand why they're not going to be living with their father anymore and why things aren't the way they used to be. To maintain their health and wellness, try as much as you can to keep things calm, smooth and healthy. Don't provoke any anger towards their father. If your children are older they could resist and be against the decision. So try to handle it with care and work with their father to make the transition as smooth as possible.
8. A shift in lifestyle
Getting a divorce means a complete shift in your life from your living situation, lifestyle and independence. Family might even want to intervene and have you go back to living with them. This may confuse you or make you hesitant. So it's good to prepare for all that and decide within yourself what you want and how you want your next living situation and lifestyle to be like.
9. Missing your husband and home
Yes, don't be surprised. Whatever the reason for divorce, it's hard to forget everything about the relationship and the good memories and intimacy felt with that person. It is normal to miss them, being with them and wanting to talk to them. It is possible to also miss the sense of home and family. All these feelings are normal, acknowledge your feelings, accept them, but have control over them and understand where they're coming from.
10. Feelings of sadness, loss, anger and anxiety
Some women experience what we can call 'trauma' because of the divorce, or because of the things that lead to it. For example, feeling unexplained anger, irritability or wanting to cry. And although it might feel at the time like this will never go away, it will pass, You just need some time to recover and heal. If you feel like your mental health is getting worse and you're worried or unable to go about your daily life, you should seek professional help like counseling or therapy. It will help you deal with what happened and work on your awareness and mental health.
Main Image Credits: Instagram @taylorlashae
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