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Lifestyle Header image lucis column fustany 2020 main image 62

| by Luci

Post #62: Lust, Like, Love and Obsession

This is how Dina decided to break a moment of awkward silence, with an even more awkward discussion. Seriously what was she thinking?

Dina: Love or lust?

I looked at her raising my eyebrow.

Me: What?!

Dina: Yes, you heard right. I’m serious here, I’ve been thinking about it for a while.

My problem wasn’t Dina speaking about that stuff, because let’s face it, it’s kind of weird when she doesn’t. It’s part of her personality. What’s weird however, is the fact that she was talking in front of a total stranger. Let me elaborate a little bit more. Remember last time when I met this guy on the plane and told him I’d introduce him to one of my friends? Well, it was another attempt for me to push Dina to meet another decent guy. She needs more of this!

I was waiting to see his reaction to her question, as he didn’t strike me as open-minded kind of guy, but to my surprise he started giving his opinion.

Joey: Definitely both, you can’t have a healthy relationship without both being present.

Dina: Yeah, I agree, but what do you think is really the difference between them?

Oh wow, she’s not stopping…

Me: Remind me again why we’re having this conversation?

Dina: I’m asking Joey, it’s nice to get a man’s perspective on such things.

I couldn’t help but nod. As it turns out, I have no idea how a man’s brain functions, so getting some insider information might be useful.

Joey: Basically, like I said, I don’t think there would be love without lust. Some might argue that lust is just hormones, which is partly true, but if two people are actually falling in love, lust will only help them form a stronger bond.

Dina: I think in the beginning of any relationship it’s kind of hard for me to tell the difference. 

Joey: It shouldn’t be if you think about it wisely.

Dina: Yeah, I guess so.

Me: But lust doesn’t necessarily mean you'll be led to love. Since we’re discussing all things crazy, tell me how do you guys tell the difference between liking someone and actually loving them? I usually have them a bit mixed up.

Joey: I think what helps here is taking your time to actually differentiate between them. For me, liking someone is that spark or attraction you feel, but it’s more of an initial connection, it’s not deep yet. It’s what tells you that this person is interesting and might be a good match, now go and get to know them better.

Dina: True! So that’s exactly the difference between liking someone or having a crush on them. You know when you’re too much into someone and it makes you awkward around them? Well, that’s a mix between lust and like and at times obsession.

Me: You of all people know the true meaning of obsession.

Joey: Is she a stalker or what?

Me: Nope, she was in one of those relationships. I’ll leave it to her if she feels like sharing.

Dina: That was such a long time ago, I don’t really mind talking about it. And yes, I experienced first hand obsession.

Joey: Now I’m curious, tell me more.

I was very intruged to see how much she was going to share with a total stranger. She doesn’t trust people easily or as a matter of fact, she doesn't trust people at all, but he had that “hey, I’m trustworthy” vibe.

Dina: There's a very thin line between lust, like, love and obsession and the problem is, once you cross it, it’s too late to take a step back. It’s even hard at times to tell if you’re somewhere in between or if it’s a mix of all. Let me share my experience here, since I went through a lot.

Joey: How much do you consider a lot?

Dina: Hahaha that I can’t reveal, but it’s probably the amount Arab men would hate.

Joey: I’m not your typical Arab man. Try me!

Dina: If you prove to be trustworthy, I’ll share that piece of information with you, but for now, I have something more interesting to say. I think it’ll help out Luci as she kind of sucks with men.

Me: Hey! Don’t pretend you’re much better here, you’ve had your downs as well.

Dina: Chill, even Joey knows I was joking. Now to the more serious shit, lust for me in a few words, is that strong desire, like is the attraction, love is the deep and romantic attachment and last but not least, obsessing over someone is your mind not being able to process anything else other than that person, like continuously.

Joey: Since you seem to know so much about obsession, tell me more. Were you in one of these relationships?

Dina: Yup, and the problem is you don’t even realize you’re in one. See, being with a person who obsesses also means he’s quite manipulative and sleek about it. They try to win your attention by any means, all of the time. There’s constant texts, calls, day and night, and when you don’t answer they freak out and make things quite dramatic for you. You don’t see it coming, or at least I didn’t, but he managed to convince me to give in to his pressure and live in his own cage.

Joey: So when did you actually notice you were in one?

Dina: I always had that small voice inside of me telling me that I was, but it only hit me when I started finding out things about him, in other words, he was cheating, and I decided to call it off. He had zero control over me, which made him have zero control over himself as well. If I had the option, I would have gotten a restraining order hehe!

I stared at her for a while, wondering why she’s actually sharing that much. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great she is, but I had that feeling she’s actually liking the guy, so why would she give out all of these personal details at the very beginning?

Me: That’s a very interesting analysis. Let me do the “like” one, since I fall into that category very often.

Joey: And I’ll do the lust versus love. This is fun! (he smiled like a young boy who’s very excited, which was cute)

Me: We already talked about the attraction part, but then you’d be in that state of mind, having that budding feeling between the two of you. You’re very eager to see that person more often and you get that weird feeling inside of your stomach, which is definitely excitement speaking up. You see them as a potential, but it also means something very shallow can be a deal breaker.

Dina: For example a fart?

Me: Hahahhaa Dina, I’m being serious here, but if a fart works for you, then why not. What I mean is, it could be something as tiny and shallow as that. For us women and I think it might be the case for men as well, it becomes the most confusing when you don’t know where you stand with the other person. Are you still just a potential or would there be a possibility of being a long term companion.

Joey: Yeah, I agree, that gets to men too, but generally speaking, I wouldn’t go for a woman unless I’m sure I know where I stand with her. Just the fact that you feel like you don’t know where you’re currently at, means there’s something wrong.

Me: Hahaha that’s kind of the story of my life.

Joey: My turn! I think lust is the kind of feeling that makes a man do stupid things, or in other words, it makes him lack thinking. Like they say, men fight wars over lust, but they make homes and families for love. It’s a short term thing, and you don’t really care if the person in front of you shares anything in common with you. Problem is, some people could develop actual feelings, which is their deepest fear.

Dina: For a person like me who’s afraid of anything that hints forever, I have to admit that always scares me off, once the relationship looks like it’s about to take a different turn.

Joey: See how wise I am? Now for love, it’s that connection you have with someone that’s stronger than anything else. I personally prefer interacting with the woman I’m in love with face to face instead of over text, because you don’t have that feeling of being 24/7 together. It’s the person I would imagine myself growing old with and enjoying the small things about life together.

Me: Damn, what you just said got to me.

Dina: Reminded you of Amr or Billy?

Me: Does it even matter? You know one of them was the wrong kind of love, the one that makes you end up with a scattered heart.

Joey: That’s the thing about it, you never see it coming from the person you love, but once it does, it changes you forever.

We talked more and more about it, but I pretty much summed up things for you.

Joey: Ladies, I have to go now, I have to finish some work, but it was awesome. Let’s do this again?

Dina: Sure thing.

Dina made a quick disappearance towards the ladies room and that’s when I told him: “I’m not sure how awkward that conversation was for you, but in case it was, I apologize for that.”

Joey: What are you apologizing for? I actually enjoyed it. I loved how honest you guys are, it’s refreshing!

Me: Haha that’s good to know.

Joey: If you don’t have any plans for after tomorrow, I’d love you and Dina to join me for the opening of a really hip restaurant. My friend owns it and I think you’ll enjoy the atmosphere and food. What do you say?

Me: Count us in.

Dina made her way back a few minutes after he left, with a big smile on her face.

Dina: Well, that was interesting, wasn’t it?

Me: Yeah it was, but I must admit you’re a bit crazy.

Dina: Shame on you Luci, did you just find that out?

Me: Hahaha no I’ve known all along, but you like to keep reminding me.

Dina: I just like to keep things fun, that’s all. Plus, I kind of think he’s a cool guy, but since a lot of men no longer think they can go for something more serious with me, I decided to shock his system a bit and shake him up to see how he thinks. It’s also important for him to know how I really am, not just pretend he found that out later on. You know what I mean? I don’t want someone who gets scared off easily.

Me: I hear you woman, but I also heard “I think I like him”?

Dina: Hahaha shut up!

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Tags: Luci  Love  Couples  Relationships  Arab relationships  Relationship advice  Relationship problems  Relationship tips  Arab women  Luci's column