Some people break up for the most trivial reasons, while others keep fighting for their relationships not noticing that all the energy they're consuming is actually going to waste. Well, neither is correct because the first is a misjudgment of their partner while the latter tends to create toxic tension.
The real secret lies in the fact that there are some mistakes that are forgivable, and others that hard to let pass just like that. While most of us might think that major break-up reasons would be usually obvious and easy to spot, the truth is that they actually aren't. Yes, some situations or characteristics might be so subtle that we won't even notice the fact that they are ringing bells for us to pay attention. Today, we've brought you a condensed list of 10 unclear signs of a toxic relationship that can ring a bell so can save yourself a lot of emotional energy.
1. Your partner is unbelievably charming and there is absolutely nothing wrong with him
Too much charm is usually not good for your health. Charm tends to hide bigger issues behind a person’s personality especially when it’s constant or excessive. Yes, it feels good in the beginning, but it is also a huge red flag that should get you asking yourself: "Then what are your flaws?". Even in movies, when a girl meets the flawless guy of her dreams, he most probably turns out to be some spy in the end. We promise we're not asking you to look for drama, but we're drawing your attention towards the fact that too much concealing of a person's natural and spontaneous traits can lead to major shocks in the end. It's either they're hiding something behind this constant sweetness, or they're lying about something. If not any of the those, then also run because sooner or later, he's probably going to get bored of the prince-charming role they're playing and will mistreat you like you could never imagined.
2. He's not proud/supportive enough
This doesn't mean he won't congratulate you on your new job or wish you good luck on your exam. He actually will. However, you won't see a spark in his eyes while he's telling you these things. When you do something really successful, you might notice that everyone around you is cheering more than he is. He would also quickly change the topic when it comes to any achievement you did, making you feel that you're exaggeratedly magnifying your success. Not being as proud as he should be could also be expressed by lack of showing love and affection in front of people. Some ladies may think that it is just him being shy, but then again, any woman deserves to be proudly introduced, praised and talked about by her significant other. He shouldn't necessarily and constantly kiss you in public, but he could express it in many other ways.
3. You stopped fighting
It's very common that fighting a lot is an ABC break-up reason. What may be misunderstood, is that not fighting at all is a good sign. No, we're not telling you to be a drama queen. Healthy relationships always include healthy discussions and arguments. It's a normal phenomenon that shows how two people are always in search for a common ground to meet on. When you stop mentioning what may annoy you in a relationship, you might think that you've become more mature. However, it's a sign that you no longer aim for solutions, but rather care less about the whole thing. If this happens frequently, it will eventually lead you to stop caring at all, and therefore, you should consider a break-up. This is because by time, you'd have reached your full capacity and would lose interest in the relationship.
4. You're still embarrassed to share your true values
If you find yourself not really comfortable sharing any of your personal values or beliefs with your partner, even though you've been together for a quite some time, you should know that something's not right. This is a very crucial sign that your partner doesn't make you at ease or confident enough to share your opinions, and accordingly, you're always afraid to show a part of you that you think he wouldn't accept. Well, him not willing to accept you the way you are, and you not being yourself because of that, is surely a toxic situation for you. No matter how long you succeed in shaping yourself according to what your partner may like without deeply believing in what you do, you'll breakdown at some point. You deserve someone who loves you the way you are, with zero pressure of trying to change who you are. Thus, once you catch yourself not being comfortable sharing what you really believe in with him, run. Run quickly.
5. Actions don't line up with words
If you find yourself waiting for all the promises and vows to become real, then you'll wait forever. An honest person is a man of his word. Immediately. No excuses. No constant asking for chances. A man who loves you will spend more time actually making you happy rather than just promising he will. If you point out something that really annoys you, a loyal partner should try to change that habit and learn to compromise and stop doing it rather than just finding excuses and saying they're sorry. They won't be turning tables on you, saying you exaggerate things. If you constantly face this, consider a break-up.
6. He's frequently/occasionally lying
If you believe in 'innocent lies', then for your information, they happen once in a lifetime, not 'occasionally'. Finding out that a partner has lied more than once -even if their excuse was to avoid fighting or not to make you upset- is not something that should pass just like that. A person who really cares about not making you upset won't lie to you, even if it's something they might think of as risky. He will always share with you everything honestly, and there will be no place for vagueness.
7. You're emotionally abused
Wait! Don't scroll down yet! You might skip this point thinking "Duh, of course he doesn't abuse me!". Well, take a moment to understand what emotional abuse is. It's when a person makes you feel bad about yourself by shaking your self esteem, comparing you to others, practicing extreme control over your decisions or is manipulating you in every possible way. Abuse also comes in a very common form which is misdirected anger. The difference between an abusive partner and a loving one, is that the first will mistreat you after a long tiring day at work while the latter will tell you how much they want to escape with you from all the stresses of the day. If you feel any of the above symptoms of an abusive relationship, you SHOULD consider a break-up or else you might lose yourself in a really hurtful experience.
8. You're on his waiting list of priorities
This won't be stated clearly. It would be shown in actions. No matter how much you're told you're important tp your partner, you'd find him always acting otherwise. Gym, family, friends and work always take priority over you. A person who keeps you as an option would tend to make you feel guilty and inconsiderate of his busy schedule. This is, of course, ladies and gentlemen, the art of turning tables. A person who is not as caring as he should be would focus on blaming you instead of trying to make things up to you. Occasionally, you'd find him forgetting about important events/dates or missing out on gatherings he knows are important to you.
9. One of you might be interested in someone else
Well, this might not be direct of course. Only a few people would literally say: "I want to break up because I'm interested in someone else". However, it shows when one of you is constantly asking the other to change something about themselves even if it was something that attracted you/him in the first place. Being interested in someone else doesn't always mean you're having an affair. A person could compare their partner with someone they know, praising the other one and pointing out how incomplete their partner might be. They would always convince their partner that they're not good enough no matter what they do. This indicates how much a person might not be satisfied enough with the person they're with. So whether it's you who's not appreciated, or you're the one who isn't satisfied, you should end things immediately.
10. Lack of communication
Normal people communicate to connect. What if they are in a relationship that's considered a sacred bond between two individuals? Silence slowly kills a relationship. It means a connection is lost by the simplest of means. It's so understandable that sometimes we find nothing to share or chat in with our partners. However, you should know that this only happens from time to time, not all the time! We're all busy so if you both think that the daily tasks keep you apart, then it's a fake excuse. If you noticed that it's been a long while since you last enjoyed some quality time around each other, then there is so much to worry about. Also, if you tried everything to make things amusing again but nothing worked, just know that this a sign you should never ignore. It implies that it's time that things between you should end, and that the spark is gone.
Main image credits: Instagram @upmaiamitchell