It’s the same old story that you’ve probably heard before. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married, start a family, and then the cheating scandal happens. We know you’ve heard a lot of stories like this, but we actually came across a story of a woman who forgave her husband for cheating, and we just had to talk to her and share her story.
Now we don’t want you reading this story with judgement or be skeptical, this is just a story of a woman and her own personal journey. It’s not meant as advice or as a reference, it’s just a perspective.
" I had made it clear there is no chance of us ever getting back together."
They met when in their 20’s and got married in their late 20’s. They were married for a few years, and then had a son. Fast forward 7 years, where they are both in their mid 30’s, when the man goes through what some may like to call it, a mid life crisis.
No longer happy in his marriage, he wants a better and more exciting life, and decided he wants a divorce. She finds out that there was another woman in the picture, and less than a year after the divorce, the guy married again. The relationship with his son and ex-wife was non-existent for a few years, it was just the mum and the son against the world.
Post the divorce, she describes herself as an angry person, who refused the concept of forgiveness holding on to her anger to the point it completely took over her. She says she was an angry and bitter person, and didn’t realize the kind of person she's become. Then came on the clinical depression, when holding on to anger for so long, it was only a matter of time till it turned into depression. On weekends, she would just stay in in bed all day long, and encourage the feeling of anger to grow and feel like a victim. It was only when she hit rock bottom that she realized she needed help and needs to make a change. It was just so exhausting living like that. Unfortunately at the time, she had also surrounded herself with friends who encouraged that side of her, and would help her grow in anger. They were the group of friends who were basically the angry divorce club, and she knew she had to detach from them if she wanted to grow.
Fast forward 2 years later, the man divorces his second wife, and reaches out to his ex-wife and son, and wants to reconnect and rebuild their long lost relationship. She refused the reconnection, however she urged her son to try and rebuild his relationship with his father. At first it was rocky, there was a lot of anger and resentment for the abandonment the son faced, but as time went by forgiveness started to creep in, and what was once a non-existent relationship started to turn into a father-son duo. Still as time went by, the father wanted to get back with his ex-wife and get his family back together.
Re-connecting with her ex- husband?
Ironically, as time went on, it was her son who started to push her, it’s every kid’s dream for their parents to come back together. But, still she refused, only encouraging the father-son relationship.
After a year and a half, they re-connected at her son’s graduation, and they went out to a family dinner to celebrate. It was then, that they introduced family lunches from time to time, because her son wanted that, and he kept emphasizing how important it was for him, so she agreed to that and that only.
"I was a bitter and angry woman for as long as I can remember, I never thought I could ever learn to forgive."
Healing and Forgiveness
As she started to work on herself, seek help, she slowly started to learn to let go, and that’s when she started to agree to family lunches. As month’s went by, she started being more open to the option of forgiveness, not getting back together with her ex-husband, just forgiving. She said, it would make her feel light in a way she never thought she could feel. So, she started to lean into that feeling, slowly letting go of anger. She had made it clear there is no chance of ever getting back together, but she was willing to forgive, move on, grow and form a better family relationship for their son. She didn’t want them to be one of those parents that can’t stand each other at their son’s college graduation, wedding etc… After they both agreed that there was no chance of a reconciliation, things just even easier for them, at least for her.
She talked about how her ex-husband was her friend for the longest time, and it felt like she started to get her friend back. When her son was starting college, they started to meet more often for family lunches to discuss with their son which college he was planning to choose, picking a major etc…
She had said that if we had asked her before, when she was bitter and angry, if she believed in second chances, she would have said absolutely not. Holding on to the anger really blinded her from ever forgiving or giving a second chance. More importantly, she had planned to forgive, but never forget, after all she really felt betrayed by her ex-husband.
When asked how did the forgiveness come along, she says she's not quite sure how it happened, but overtime, she found herself forgiving and forgetting. Everyone thought that she was forgetting because, she was lonely, she just wanted another husband. But that was the furthest thing from the truth. She talked to us about how she had dated a bit when she was divorced, almost got engaged too, but she chose not to. As she began to heal and her happiness grew, she didn’t want a partner, or a marriage, she was building a life on her own and was feeling content and happy. So, when she was in the process of forgiving, and healing, she found herself opening up more and more.
Her ex-husband was very patient, he waited a year and a half, before bringing up the topic of getting back together again. Actually, he didn’t really bring it up too, it just came about so naturally, and they found ourselves going on dates. When that happened, she had made a conscious decision to just be open, and see where this goes. She decided to treat the beginning of this relationship like it was a completely knew one.
"We were both different people, after 7 years apart, we’ve changed so much, so it made sense to treat this relationship like brand new."
Can people change?
She went on to talk about how it would have been hypocritical of her to think people don’t change, when she herself felt like she transformed into a whole new person. After about a year of dating her ex-husband, he proposed once more and she said yes. They decided to re-marry and start a new chapter.
She talked a lot about how she felt her ex-husband has changed, how sometimes people make big mistakes in life, and these mistakes can be the shifting points for them in life. And, she felt like that was what exactly happened with him, his errors had to be made to get him to a new and better path.
What people say:
Like anything else in the world, people have so much to say about her re-marriage. People have told her countlessly what a big mistake she did, that her husband will leave her again, that she was so desperate she got back together with a bad man. She went on to say it was hard hearing this from her close friends and family, but she chose to trust herself.
It’s been 6 years since they’re remarried, and like any marriage they have their ups and downs, but she says all in all, things are stable and it does not feel like her old marriage at all.
Main Image Credits: Sex and the City Movie