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Lifestyle Header image article main luci my bucket of ice cream after denial comes change

| by Luci

After Denial Comes Change

She’s stubborn, she always has been and she'll always be. When she puts something in her head, there’s no way in hell you can change her mind about it. Who am I talking about? No one other than my bestie Dina. Remember when I told you I have more of her story with her ex Hussein to tell you about? Well, the time has come.

She called me up a while ago to tell me that he’s been texting her again, or actually bombarding her with texts and calls. I had no clue what the hell he wanted to tell her? It’s been a really long while since things ended between them. Did she actually get over him? I doubt. You know that pain doesn’t necessarily go away, even when you’re trying way too hard to hide it, it can show sometimes. It shows in the little things, the way she deals with life or her new take on life. Whenever I hear Hussein’s name, it always brings back memories. This time, it took me to a different place, when Dina realized she’s happy she’s finally off the hook, or so she said.

At first, she went into her own cocoon, you know the regular breakup phases. What were they again? Oh yeah, shock, anger, depression, denial and then change. The reason I’m listing them in that order, is because that’s exactly how Dina went through them. Anyway, back to her stubborn side, where she actually thought she can turn into a completely different person, aka the man eater she is today. No one thought she’d be able to pull it off. I remember that day perfectly, we were sitting at a small cafe near my house (Mona, Habiba, Billy and I) and we didn’t actually think Dina would join us because she was going through some serious mood swings, and wasn’t really interested to see anyone most of the time. She came storming into the place saying: “That’s it, I’ve finally made a decision.”

Me: You could start off with a hello first, we haven’t seen you in such a long time.

Dina: Oh yeah, hi guys, I missed you.

Billy: So did we habibty. How have you been?

Dina: Seriously, people need to stop asking me that question. I’m FINE!

Me: We know you are, it’s just a simple question…

Dina: Well, sorry my hormones sometimes go off. Now what was I saying?

Habiba: You said you finally made a decision. What is it?

Dina: I don’t believe in marriage or any type of serious commitment anymore.

Billy: That’s only normal after what you’ve been through.

Dina: Dude, don’t act like I’m a crystal about to break. I actually mean it!

Mona: Oh, PMSing mode on?

Dina: Nope. I’ve been thinking about it for a long while now. Why would I even give my attention towards one person when I can have fun with many others?

Billy: Define fun! You do have a reputation to keep, right?

Dina: Forget that reputation stuff, no one talks badly about a guy who dates many women casually, so why should I (a woman) be an exception.

Me: You do have a point. Billy you’re not that uptight, what happened to you?

Billy: I’m just not sure she can actually pull it off.

Dina: Of course I can. Why do you say so?

Billy: I know you too well! You’re a kind person and you usually fall for the wrong guys because you manage to see only the good. You’re also very emotional and that’s why having just casual fun isn’t your thing. That’s my take on it!

That was when her stubborn side made an appearance, and honestly I don’t think it left ever since that day. It was like she had something to prove to us, herself, and the rest of the world. Time doesn’t always heal wounds like some people claim, sometimes what you go through just messes you up, the way it did with Dina.

The flashback and the walk down memory lane took me a few months after our meeting with her at the cafe, and I started remembering a conversation I had with her over the phone, where she kept on telling me about a new guy she’s dating. She was claiming that she’s not attached to him in any way, and she didn't even like him that much, but I was sure she was starting to fall for him. You can always tell when you talk about someone passionately and she was. When she finally started realizing she had a thing for that guy, she started criticizing each and everything about him, pointing out the bad things in him as if she was relating him somehow to her ex Hussein.

Me: Dina, why can’t you just take the guy as he is? He’s not responsible for what Hussein did to you?

That’s a question I asked, but never received a direct answer to. As a matter of fact, she gave me the cold shoulder a few days after. That’s exactly when I realized she was still going through the DENIAL phase. Did she ever come out of it? Well, if you read through, you’ll know when the CHANGE phase finally hit her.

At first, it was a pattern with her, she starts dating a new guy, realizes that she might start developing feelings for him and that she failed yet again to keep it casual, then she freaks out and ditches him. That was at first! Then things started changing after approximately 8 months of her going on the dating spree. Somewhere along the lines, she managed to control her feelings, care less for them and more about herself. I remember she called up Billy telling him something like “In you face sucker, I finally managed to do it.”

Honestly, he wasn’t that happy for her, honestly neither were we, but we just learned to go with the flow and that was her own way of adapting with change in her life, so who are we to judge, right?

Now that many years have passed, Dina is still the player she turned into and we were all concerned she wouldn’t get out of that phase any time soon. We wanted her to finally snap out of it, but we failed miserably whenever we spoke to her about it. We thought she liked it, until a couple of weeks ago when she called me up to tell me about her ex Hussein calling her.

Dina: He asked to go out to talk like adults, and that he wanted to apologize once and for all.

Me: And what did you tell him? Did you tell him to **** off?

Dina: Actually not! I agreed to see him.

Me: Why???

Dina: I realized a while back that I never got my proper closure. I just went into a series of denial phases, hiding behind many walls I built for myself just to make sure I stay safe.

Me: So what happened when you saw him?

Dina: Nothing, we just spoke like adults, he kept on apologizing and said he wanted me back, but he doesn’t have the right to ask me for something like that. He left his wife a few months ago because she was a gold digger and realized that I was actually the only one who ever respected him and cared for him out of the long list of women he dated.

Me: Please don’t tell me you fell for that. You know how manipulating he can be, remember?

Dina: Luci I’m not an idiot. I know all of that, I’m just telling you what he said.

Me: Oh God, I was going to get a mini heart attack here. I thought you were going to tell me you actually fell for that crap.

Dina: Well, I somehow did.

Me: How?

Dina: Sitting there with him, I realized something major has been missing from my life. I want to feel the way I used to feel about him towards someone else. For the past few years, I had no actual feelings towards anyone, AT ALL. I think I might regret what I’m about to tell you, but Luci, I think I’m finally ready to be in a serious relationship.

BAM! She finally crossed over to the change phase. FINALLY! What has it been? Five years? Or maybe seven, or perhaps less! I have no idea how long, but it’s been long enough. I felt a spark of joy inside of me.

Me: Mission on! I’ll set you up with someone of Amr’s friends hahaha

Dina: Don’t tell me you just said that! Let me try and rephrase again. I’m not looking to be set up with anyone, all what I said was that I’m finally ready to be serious about someone, whether that someone comes now or even a year or two from now. But I think I’m done with the casual phase, though it was fun…


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Tags: Luci  My bucket of ice-cream  Shamekh  Fashion illustrations  Love  Arab relationships  Relationship advice  Relationship problems  Relationship tips  Relationships  Breakups  Girlfriends