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Lifestyle Header image lucis column fustany 2020 main image 82

| by Luci

Post #82: I Think I'm Ready?

I’m sitting on my couch and looking out of the window. It’s a beautiful day so far, and as I’m writing to you guys, I thought munching on some ice-cream with cookies would be a great idea.

One of my main problems with Faisal, my husband, even before getting married, was him wanting me to quite my job. He kept on insisting I work with him at his company instead, and I was very much against it. After a while however I gave in because I hate arguing, and I started working with him, but that did more damage than good. I know several couples manage to start their own business together, and keep the drama of work from interfering with their personal lives. In this case however, we weren't starting this together, he was my boss. It felt like he wanted me under his microscope for continuous observation or more control, rather than my actual help at work. And on top of that, we continued talking and arguing about work at home.

I started feeling again that Faisal was actually quite controlling, which is something I kind of picked up a week or two before our wedding. I've also been getting several offers from other companies to go and continue my career in PR with a great position, but then he'd get really upset when I opened up that subject. He claimed that I was abandoning him. I didn't want to continue working with him, and now the feeling of being trapped in a place I don't belong to, started crawling in on me bit by bit.

I woke up one day with the decision of ending that feeling, and doing something quite positive for myself. I spoke to him about wanting to quit, to open up my own specialized PR company. He kept on pointing out that starting your own business is quite hard, and that I don't have much knowledge when it comes to that, but I insisted that I'll learn along the way just like most people do. He didn't seem pro the idea very much, but he couldn't push back a lot. I was super passionate about PR and wanted to continue doing it in creative ways. Plus I needed to be financially independent from my husband (of course I didn't tell him that though).

As for socializing, I realized that they're always looking for what your next step would be, and whichever step you're at, they're going to ask for more. Who am I talking about? Well, Arab family members and my mother's friends. I was invited to a gathering my mum made at their house with lots of her friends joining. For some reason this gathering turned into one where I'm the center of attention. The first question was by my aunt, asking me: “When would you and Faisal move into your new house?”

Me: We're still renovating it, these things take time.

My aunt: That long? It's been a year already!

And then auntie number 2 started asking when they should be expecting a baby from us. I rolled my eyes, my mum saw that instantly and then mentioned that we're not ready yet. She also told them about me wanting to start my own business. Questions kept on coming in and that's when I realized, they're always butting into your life. There's always a question of when? Before it used to be if I'm seeing someone, then when we'd get married, where will we be living, when's your first born coming, and if I do go for a baby, the second question would automatically be, when will you get him a brother or a sister. People don't do it out of concern, but rather their urge to push you towards what our culture and traditions say. I don't know about you, but I'm happy where I am today, trying to figure things out one step at a time, without anyone rushing me into anything. After all, it's me who will have to live with any decision I take, and not them. Has that ever happened to you?

Don't forget to check Fustany every Saturday at 11:00 AM (Cairo time) for my new post.

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Tags: Luci's column  Luci  Arab relationships  Relationship advice  Relationship problems  Relationships 101  Relationships