March 17, 2014 12:00 AM | by Luci
Post #43: Take Chances
After running into some of my college friends at Billy's wedding, we all agreed that we should get together soon. Even though it was supposed to be an outing that included around 10 people, we ended up being just three; me and two girls, one called Dana and the other Farah. We had a lot to catch up on, and I was hoping they had no clue Billy and I were ever together as they were the kind of gossipy girls. One thing led to the other and they started talking about Dina, as she was with us in college, but just a couple of years older.
Farah: So what's Dina doing with her life now? I hear she's quite the player.
Dana: Yeah I heard so many unpleasant stories about her!
Me: What? Who's talking about her badly?
Farah: It's not as if she cares. That girl does whatever she wants. She kind of had it coming...
Me: Well, first off, let me tell you Dina is one of my best friends. She's an adorable girl! I'm not saying she's the most innocent ever, but that doesn't give anyone the right to judge her.
Dana: We're not judging, we're just saying she's been with too many guys. I can't even keep count.
Farah: Including my brother.
Me: Okay guys, you know what? Let's take a step back here. If Dina were a guy, no one would ever talk about her that way. Some women would be running after her just because she's a player.
Me: Plus you have no idea what she's been through. She's had a pretty bad experience with her ex. Maybe I wasn't able to understand why she's doing that before, but now I do. She's had her heart broken and she prefers to switch between guys rather than having them switching her with other girls. I would say that she's freaking out, so nothing for us to judge there.
Farah: You mean Billy?
Me: Yes, but I don't want to go there. Let's just talk about anything else!
There was an awkward moment, but then they tried a bit harder to speak about other meaningful things. I really don't get girls at times, why talk badly about one another instead of just having each other's backs? And why on earth would they judge Dina like that. A guy being a player is okay, but when a girl switches between guys then she's a *****?
The next day at work I couldn't help but think of how these mean and really nosy girls were looking at Dina. You know how I love to over-think everything, which seriously sucks big time. So I kept on questioning myself if I might end up like Dina, not being able to go through another stable relationship. Well, I haven't even asked about Amr for the past few days. Since Billy's wedding and I didn't bother to pick up the phone and check on him, even though he wasn't at the office as he had tons of meetings. The truth is I got scared. This guy was treating me perfectly, but I was too scared to go down that road again. Most men seem perfect at the very beginning and then their true colors appear! I know I'm being too dramatic, of course not all men are like that, but like I said, I felt it's a bit too early for me and that's exactly why I tried to avoid going down that road again.
Youssef: Earth to Luciii!
Me: Hey, sorry I wasn't paying attention.
Youssef: That's very obvious hehe! What's on your mind gorgeous?
Me: Nothing much, just over-thinking as usual. I just wish I can give my brain some time off.
Youssef: Tell me about it!
Me: Have you seen Amr?
Youssef: Yeah, he came around an hour ago.
Me: Oh! I didn't see him.
He didn't come in to say good morning like he usually does. Maybe he's a bit angry at me? After all I should have at least given him some attention after doing all of that for me at Billy's wedding. Okay, time to make it up for him!
I got up and walked to his office.
Me: Amr, how are you?
Amr: Hey Luci!
Me: Is everything ok? You look a bit down!
Amr: Yeah, work stuff. Can't really talk now.
Me: Oh ok, sorry!
That wasn't like awkward at ALL! Seriously, what was going on? He would strike me as the understanding guy. I know I wasn't treating him that well, but not like shit either. Does he think that maybe I was just using him to make Billy jealous? Could be, that was partly true, but let's face it, I was really starting to fall for him and that thought scared the hell out of me.
A few hours later and after finishing a bulk from my to-do list, I decided it was time to head back home. A voice inside of my head told me to try at least once again and see what's wrong with Amr, so I made another stop at his office on my way out.
Me: Hey, feeling any better?
Amr: What makes you think I wasn't feeling well?
Me: Hmmm you weren't really your amazing self!
Amr: I'm just having some trouble at work. Like pretty complicated ones and I have to work triple the amount I usually do to be able to finish it on time.
Me: Need help?
Amr: No thank you!
Me: You know what? That's really not an option. I'm going to help you.
I put my things on the chair next to me and sat down.
Me: Where do I begin?
He started explaining what needed to be done, and after a while he started loosening up a bit and turning into the Amr I know and really like. Maybe he was just under too much pressure lately like he mentioned. We worked hard and you couldn't hear either one of us talking to the other, we were just talking to ourselves to try and comprehend the amount of things that needed to be done. Every once in a while he would look up to me and smile. A very handsome smile I must say, the kind that makes your heart melt. Know it?
Amr: I have a question.
Amr: Why are you helping me?
Me: You're my boss and one of my close friends. I hate to see you down and thought maybe some company would help.
Amr: So you're only doing this because we're friends, right?
A moment of silence, what should I say? What should I say? Think Luci, think quickly! All that came out of my mouth was: "Yeah!" Way to go Luci, a fifth grader could have given a better answer than this one. I then smiled to try and make things better, but it seemed like he had his attention back to work.
I have to admit, this got me really distracted. Am I turning into Dina? It's not like I'm criticizing her, but I'd like to think I have a bit more control over my life. So what, I got hurt before, that shouldn't mean I slam the door to an amazing guy who treats me really well! Say something Luci, anything. Again, nothing comes out of my mouth. So I decide to distract myself by working again. Half an hour later, I finally manage to get things together. Yeah, I know about time!
Me: Amr? Do you have any plans for tomorrow?
Amr: More work, why?
Me: Just asking...
Amr: Want to help me out again FRIEND?
Me: Of course I will, friend hehe. How about after tomorrow. I want us to go out together. Thoughts?
He smiled, another cute smile and I could feel the butterflies playing around in my stomach again.
Amr: Okay, why not?
Me: Seriously, that's the best you've got. Why not?
Amr: Let me rephrase my question again. Are we going out as friends or more?
Me: Then let me be honest with you. I like you, a lot. But then again, I'm too scared to take things seriously at the moment. So the answer is no, not as a friend, but no clue where it would lead to. I'm willing to find out though if you are too?
Amr: Let's do that then, I have no problem finding out!
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