May 15, 2014 12:00 AM | by Luci
We Can Make Us Work
There’s always some awkwardness when a relationship goes from being a flirtatious friendship to an actual couple, am I right? At least that’s how I feel! Amr and I agreed not to go very public about us being together just yet, to avoid any weird looks at work, but well it doesn’t get any more public than me sharing this with you guys. He thought it was best for us to enjoy things on the down low at the beginning, and I kind of agree with him because I'm not ready yet for us being an official “couple.” Anyway, so it was his birthday and yes that means he’s a Taurus. They say Pisces and Taurus are a perfect fit, as he would know how to keep me balanced, which is exactly what happened between us. If it wasn’t for his talk with me, I wouldn’t have realized that maybe it’s about time to stop whining and do something about my crush towards him.
I had no clue what to get him for his birthday or where to take him. It’s not like I haven’t done this before, but this time I wanted to get things right, each and every detail, or maybe I’m just obsessing too much? Anyway, so I finally put everything together after discussing it with the girls, and of course Dina, the man eater, suggested an intimate night at his place, but nahhh I’m not that kind of girl, if you know what I mean.
I left a note on Amr’s desk at the office on his birthday saying: “Are you ready for a fun night?” and once he read it, he made his way to my desk to try and get all the details out of me and know what I have planned for his birthday.
Amr: You know I’m a very curious person, tell me tell me!
Me: All I can say is we’re going to one of your favorite places tonight.
Amr: That’s not enough, I need to know more.
Me: You’re not getting another word out of me. Just make sure you finish up work early, as I’ll pick you up from your house around 8pm.
Amr: Great, I’m sooo excited!
I picked a cute dress, wore some funky heels and was ready for our night out. Amr was really happy with the place I made reservations at. Then we started up a weird conversation, which honestly I shouldn’t have. It all started once he got a message from his ex, the one I saw in Dubai, wishing him a very happy birthday.
Me: How come you know everything about me and my previous relationships and I know nothing about yours?
Amr: All you need to do is ask, I have nothing to hide.
Me: So why did you leave Mai? (his ex)
Amr: That’s a long story I don’t prefer to get into on my birthday.
Me: Why not?
Amr: Hmmm, ok let me tell you. Mai was what you would call my college crush, we were madly in love, but you know those girls who always try to push you to get married asap as her parents were supposedly really strict?
Me: Yeah I know those girls.
Amr: Well, they weren’t strict at all, but they were very eager to see her married, even at such a young age. We were still at our third year in college and both of us as you know are of the same age. My parents were totally against getting into something serious at that time, as both of us were very young, but because I was crazy about her I kept on pushing until they finally gave me the green light.
Me: Oh and then?
Amr: Things only got worse from there. At first I was really glad, but then her parents started asking for really unrealistic and very materialistic things, which they obviously knew that as a college student I wouldn’t be able to afford, yet they didn’t care that much about that, they just assumed my parents should pay the bill.
Me: Things like what?
Amr: A super expensive diamond ring, a villa at one of the best compounds and the list goes on and on. Things started to heat up between both of us, especially when I found out she was just like them, or at least she didn’t fight them as much as she should have. She just listened to them, blindly thinking that they have her best interest in mind. I really wanted to do all the best for her, but she should've know that I had limits at that time and she should've stood by me, but unfortunately she didn’t.
Me: Honestly, she should have, but I’m glad she didn’t hehehe
Amr: So am I hahaha
Me: Ok, so what were you like back then?
Amr: What do you mean?
Me: What I mean is that when you get out of a heart-breaking relationship, major things change about you, so what were you like?
Amr: Nothing major changed about me, not like you turning into a man hater.
Me: I’m not a man hater or else I wouldn’t be here with you.
Amr: So back to your point, I was a very controlling person, stubborn and anything could get on my nerves pretty easily.
Me: Isn’t that awesome? Three things I really don’t want when I get into a relationship.
Amr: But I changed, you’ve known me for a long time now, I’m still stubborn, but the rest I got rid of.
Me: I don’t believe that people change.
Amr: True, but they can always control their bad characteristics. Remind me again why did you say today was going to be fun?
Me: So you don’t think it’s fun?
Amr: Honestly, that’s not how I imagined it would be.
Me: Oh, sorry then…
Awkward silence! I didn’t know what to say. He was right, definitely very right about what he just said, but it’s the way he said it that kind of hurt me a bit. He could have pushed the conversation into another direction without being mean about it, or am I just making it up because I’m PMSing?
I tried to make things less awkward by making some small talk to find out if he’s really mad or if he was perhaps joking, but he just gave me a poker face and it didn't ease up at all. Seems like I really stepped my boundaries, I was just curious, that’s all. He knows I came with some serious baggage, he should understand.
Things went on normally with more small talk here and there, and then I dropped him off home, he didn’t even give me a good night kiss. Great, so he’s the kind of guy who has a pretty high ego. Wonderful, just wonderful! I thought of texting him or even calling him to try and make things better between us, but I was annoyed by the way he handled things. I know it’s always a two way road and I shouldn’t have brought these things up during his birthday date, but I’ll think of a way to make things a bit better, hopefully.
Shortly afterwards, I received a text on iMessage from Giovanni saying: “Hey gorgeous, how are you? Haven’t heard from you in a while. Is all okay?”
Oh crap, I should tell him I’m now seeing someone, but then again how would I tell him that. Hey Giovanni, sorry I can’t flirt with you anymore, I’m kind of with someone now who I just managed to irritate. Of course not!!!
The problem with iMessage is that he’ll be able to see that I read the message and I didn’t want him to think I was ignoring him. I didn’t have to give it much thought, because he called me 15 minutes later.
Giovanni: Hey Luci, how are you?
Me: I’m fine and you?
Giovanni: Great! So you’re ignoring me now?
Me: Of course I’m not. I just had some guy problem hehe
Giovanni: Do tell…
With that, I blabbered about everything that just happened and what went on in Dubai right after the event, and to that he responded: “Oh crap, so I shouldn’t have let him drop you off that day, but anyway I respect him and of course your choice. You want my opinion?”
Me: Yes please.
Giovanni: I think you’re being too hard on him. Firstly, don’t ever talk to a guy about his ex on the first three dates, that’s not a great idea, let alone on his birthday.
Me: I know I know, I sometimes talk without thinking and that’s a big problem. Plus I’m having some serious trust issues, which I’m trying to get rid of, but he’s very well aware of them.
Giovanni: It’s good he knows, but at the same time you were hard on him as well. I’m just telling you what I think and it’s up to you to consider it or not. I only mean well.
Me: Of course, I can see that. So what do you think?
Giovanni: You just mentioned you have trust issues, why is that?
I told him about the whole Billy story and the past few months of my life, I’m not even sure why I shared all of that with him, but sometimes it’s much easier to talk to a complete stranger than someone you know really well. Does that happen to you guys too?
Giovanni: Ok Luci, a piece of advice coming along your way bella, are you ready?
Me: Tell me!
Giovanni: When you come out of a really bad relationship and especially one that consumed too much of your energy, it sucks. Along with that, you also know exactly the things you want to find in your new partner and the things that would be a big no no and drive you to end things right away, right?
Giovanni: So what are the things that you consider a big no no?
Me: I’m not quite sure of that, but I would imagine that a controlling and nervous person would be on top of my list, and that’s why I gave Amr that comment, because he mentioned he’s like that.
Giovanni: He said he used to be like that, plus that’s not the impression I got from what you told me. What I mean is Billy, from what you told me, seemed like a very relaxed kind of person, who’s not nervous nor controlling and yet he did all of that to you. So you’re not actually suffering from both of these traits from your previous relationship.
Me: That’s true but…
Giovanni: No buts, stop comparing Amr to Billy. Just because they’re both men, doesn’t mean they both share the same things. You need to really know what would tick you off. I personally think you’re freaking out about trying something new, and you can’t wrap your mind around Amr actually being a decent guy. If you compare between both or throw some of your un-finished business between you and Billy on Amr, then you’re relationship with him will end before it even begins. He’s not the one to blame for what Billy did and that’s something you should know deep inside and believe in, otherwise just end things now.
Me: Nooo, I don’t want to end things, I really like Amr.
Giovanni: Then act like you mean it. I’m sorry if I’m being too harsh, but listen, relationships are super hard and they take a lot of work. You need to understand that if he gets mad at something you might think was tiny, then it will certainly not be an issue later on. Just work step by step on getting to understand each other on a deeper level. Trust me on that!
Me: You’re so wise man!
Giovanni: Oh am I?
Me: Yesss! I have to warn you, you’ll be my go-to person in that case.
Giovanni: My pleasure bella!
I kept on thinking about what Giovanni had told me, and all of a sudden I felt inspired on what to tell Amr, so I called him up, but he didn’t answer. I assumed he was asleep by now as it was already late, so I decided to text him instead, this couldn’t wait until tomorrow.
Me: Amr, you have no idea how sorry I am. I really didn’t mean to come off as aggressive or to insult you in any way. I could give you tons of excuses on why tackling this point was important to me, but I won’t because you know me well enough to know I really didn’t mean to upset you, especially on your birthday. You mean a lot to me, and I really hope you know that. Let’s talk about it tomorrow, no discussions, just me apologizing :)
A minute later my phone rings and I’m extremely excited to see him calling me back.
Amr: Your message is really cute Luci, I’m also sorry I acted out that way, it was a bit childish of me.
Me: No, trust me I shouldn’t have brought that up today and not in that way.
Amr: Back to normal?
Me: Yes please!
Amr: We can make us work, trust me.
Me: I’m not doubting that, don’t worry!