May 05, 2014 12:00 AM | by Luci
Post #48: Not a Bad Thing to Fall in Love with Me
Me: You won’t believe what he actually did!
Habiba: What? Tell me! Good or bad?
Me: Honestly it depends, as I panicked a bit.
Habiba: Shoot, stop being mysterious Luci!
Great, so I finally told her, but before I share with you what Amr did, let me take you back again to our trip in Dubai. So we were at the fashion show and it was all awkward, I couldn’t wait for it to end. It’s fine to be with just one guy you like, but two at the same time wasn’t really okay for me. If only things were clearer, life would be much easier. You know, they say life starts at the end of your comfort zone? Yeah, that couldn’t be more true!
The show ends and we all pretend that we’re very excited to do something fun together, but in reality, Dina and Tony just needed to go do their own thing (wink wink), Amr wanted to ditch his ex, and I wasn’t sure who to spend the rest of the evening with. Giovanni or Amr? Did I tell you Amr’s ex is just weird? A fake blonde who gives off a duck face whenever she has a chance. Fully dressed up in brands and she doesn’t seem to grasp that it doesn’t mean she’s stylish, it just shows that she’s trying too hard. I wonder what he used to like about her.
Amr: So guys, have you decided what we can do?
Me: To be honest I’m a bit tired and I feel like going home.
Giovanni: Oh, I thought I’d be able to spend more time with you tonight.
Me: I’m so sorry, let’s do something tomorrow morning instead?
Amr: But you have work tomorrow morning, remember?
Me: I know I do Amr!
I took Giovanni aside and agreed with him that we could meet for breakfast and that I’ll catch up with him again after work if he’s free. He was pretty flexible about it, and with a smile like his, who could possibly not fall for him?
For some reason, everyone decided to go for other plans and Amr suggested he’d drive me back home.
His ex: Amr, can you also drop me off home, please?
A series of awkward moments in the car, and though where I was staying was much closer on our route, Amr decided to drop her off first. I wonder why? Finally, thirty minutes later and she’s off. Now are you ready for some drama? If not, be prepared!
Have you heard Justin Timberlake’s new song “Not a Bad Thing”? It started playing moments later when we were in the car alone. Focus on this part of the song:
I know people make promises all the time
Then they turn right around and break them
When someone cuts your heart open with a knife, and you’re bleeding
But I could be that guy to heal it over time
And I won’t stop until you believe it
Cause baby you’re worth it
So don’t act like it’s a bad thing to fall in love with me
Cause you might **** around and find your dreams come true, with me
Spend all your time and your money just to find out that my love was free
So don’t act like it’s a bad thing to fall in love with me, me
It’s not a bad thing to fall in love with me, me
Amr stared at me for a few seconds and then said: “You know why I like this song?”
Me: I like it too, but why?
Amr: See, it kind of reminds me of both of us.
Me: And how is that?
Amr: Stop playing clueless. See, I know that you’re well aware that I’ve had a thing for you for the longest time now. First there was Billy, and of course I couldn’t do much, other than be a friend. After Billy, you were left heartbroken and as they say, there are two types of pains, one that hurts you and the other that changes you.
Me: WOW, I didn’t see that coming! Which one do you think I’m going through?
Amr: At first I thought you’ll get over it easily, but turns out it’s the kind of pain that changed you. You turned into super hesitant and your tone switched to sarcastic with a little bit of bitterness, which leads me to my next point. I know you’ve been hurt pretty badly, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be a bad guy to you as well. You really mean the world to me, to the extent that I would want to marry you one day. We’ve been on and off, before anything even started. Lately, you’ve been cold towards me more and I’m not sure anymore what to do. I know it might seem hard for you, but not every guy out there is a jerk and will end up leaving you heart-broken. That’s exactly why I’m telling you that song perfectly describes how things are going between us. You’ve been acting like it’s a bad thing if we end up together or you’re letting your fears hold you back on exploring where this could head.
I was stunned by what he was telling me. Honestly, it came to me as a wake-up call. I didn’t realize I was acting like that around him, too blinded with my own la la land where I only care about what I want at the moment, but you know what, it’s not a bad thing either to think of yourself first. Even if it means losing out on a great person such as Amr? I wasn’t sure of that answer yet.
He was looking at me waiting for my response, but no words came out of my mouth. I had no clue what I wanted anymore and if I didn’t say anything, things will only get more awkward between us. SPEAK NOW or forever hold your peace. That was the first thought that came to my mind. Wow Luci, you’re so cliche! Search for something else to say, please…
Me: You took me by surprise.
Amr: That’s all you’re going to say?
Me: No, of course not. Let me try and say more. I’ve always had a thing for you, you’re not just a friend to me, you’re an amazing guy, who I really like and not just the normal kind of like, you know what I mean, right?
Amr: Yes, I think I do.
Me: Having said that, I don’t think I’m ready yet to get into anything serious, especially not with my boss. It’ll just be too weird if things don’t work out.
Amr: See, that’s exactly your problem. You changed, and you’re thinking steps and steps ahead and that’s making you miss out on things happening now. What’s the worst that could happen?
Me: I’ll end up heart-broken again?
Amr: And why are you assuming that I’ll be the bad guy here? Just think of it one step at a time.
Me: What you’re saying makes sense, but…
Amr: But what? Are you into that Giovanni guy?
Me: No! I mean I think he’s cool, but how I feel towards you is really different, in a good way.
Amr: I’m happy to hear that. Let’s take it one step at a time, I’m willing to be very patient, just like I told you before. I know we’ll be able to make it work or else I wouldn’t have waited for you that long.
I smiled and one by one the panicky feeling I had inside of my stomach disappeared. It’s time to let go of my fears and stop letting an idiot like Billy have control over how I deal with love. I didn’t even finish that thought, when Amr leaned over and kissed me.
Oh my God, I felt like a teenager again! That’s a kiss I’ll ALWAYS remember…
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