September 14, 2014 12:00 AM | by Luci
Post #59: You Only Live Once
We all have our indecisive moments. One second you’re in, the next one you’re seriously rethinking your decision. Sometimes you compromise just because that’s what you once wanted, and then you tend to suck it up because you’re afraid to change things. See, here’s the main problem for most of us. We overthink things and tend to complicate them, whereas it should be much simpler than that. You know they say things like, you only live once (yolo) and there’s this other saying, life’s too short to do things you don’t love doing.
I’ll get back to that point shortly, but let’s go for a real life example and not just quotes. One moment, I think Amr could actually be the one, and the next it’s like I don't even know him. I thought he’s everything I was looking for and it was okay for me to take a risk and date my boss, because he’s different than anyone I’ve ever known.
Me: Amr, what’s wrong with you?
Amr: What should be wrong with me? Nothing, I’m perfect!
Me: No, you’re not. Stop denying it. You’ve been weird ever since I visited your parents. We already spoke about it, and even though you were pretty mean to me that day, I decided to let it go. So remind me again, why you’re acting that way?
Amr: Sometimes it takes me some time to get back to normal, especially since the topic is quite sensitive, and in this case, it's about my parents.
Me: I can’t believe you man. Point out one wrong thing I did. You won’t even be able to do that.
I started getting so angry at him again. This guy has some serious mummy issues! At that exact moment, thoughts about actually ditching him started coming to mind. Life is much simpler than that, why on earth would he complicate things that way? They were the ones who did me wrong and not the other way around, and yet he’s angry? That’s just funny in a sad way! I avoided him completely for the rest of the day at work.
Right after work and instead of going back home, the three of us met at Habiba’s house (Dina, Mona and me). It was time for one of our famous bitching sessions. Each one of us had her fair share of drama, and needed advice from her not so wise friends, but probably ended up doing what was on her mind in first place.
Mona: I’ll start! Guess what’s been happening on my side?
Dina: You married your work?
Mona: Funny! I’m serious here! Luci, I know he no longer means anything to you and I think you always knew I had a thing for him.
Me: Let me take a wild guess here, because honestly I knew it. Billy? Don’t worry, he’s all yours.
Wtf was she thinking? She kept on telling us that they became pretty close to each other lately, and that he asked her to ask me if it was okay for them to start officially seeing each other. I didn’t believe this one bit, I knew he wasn’t into her, why the sudden interested when he had just recently told me he will do anything for us to get back together? Or maybe he thought when she’d share such news with me, I’d get really jealous and start giving him some more attention? In all cases, it’s pretty pathetic and once again I’m overthinking something thats not even worthy of my thoughts.
Mona: You know him best Luci, any advice?
Me: Can you just leave me out of this? I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but it doesn’t make sense for his ex to give his upcoming gf who happens to be one of her best friends dating tips. Come on, just be realistic!
A moment of silence and then Habiba bursted in with some happy talk about her wedding and how she imagines the bridesmaid dresses would look like.
Dina: My dress has to be the sexiest! And are there any hot men we don’t know of?
Dina: Why not?
Habiba: Remember you’re trying to be less of a player?
Dina: Oh right, it keeps skipping my mind. Ahmed is actually coming next week back for his friend’s wedding. We should meet up and I hope I can keep my good girl face.
Me: No, you shouldn’t keep your good girl face, no acting, just be who you are and if he’s okay with it, then he’s one hell of a lucky guy.
Dina: You know I was kidding about that. What’s wrong? You seem a bit down!
Then I started telling them about Amr’s drama and the fact that I’m seriously thinking of cutting things off for a while, but then there’s the complications of us working together.
Dina: What a sissy! I thought this guy was different.
Me: So did I! It’s too much unnecessary drama for me. If he can’t let things go easily while I didn’t even do anything wrong, then imagine what he would do when I actually upset him for a reason?
The girls kept on discussing that topic, but none of them was much help except for Mona.
Mona: Here’s the thing Luci, we women always know. We always do! When something starts feeling wrong, we start overthinking and your gut feeling will play a big role here. You actually moved from the phase of just thinking inside of your head that you need to take some serious action, to talking about it. It’s bothering you more than you expected it would, and it no longer feels right. You shouldn’t compromise here. Do what makes you happy, life is much simpler than that.
For a girl who’s about to starting to date her best friend’s ex, she’s not as stupid as her actions. Yes, I know rude comment, but since I couldn’t tell her that in her face I had to express it somewhere.
I get back home and right before I go to sleep my phone starts ringing. Dammit, it’s Amr! He better apologize or he’s going to see the ***** in me.
Amr: Hey Luci, are you still up?
Me: Yes! What’s up?
Amr: I have been thinking about the whole thing that happened…
Me: Let me interrupt you here for a second. It’s not a thing, it’s your mum being rude to me and you refusing to see it, but instead blaming me.
Amr: Let me finish what I was calling to say! My mother is pretty important to me, she’s actually the closest person to me and the fact that the two of you don’t like each other, made me rethink things, because I wanted her to like you as a crucial assurance for me.
Amr: What I’m saying here, is I think we need to take things a bit slower. I want her to like you and I’ll work on it, but for now let’s just take one step back.
OH WOW! I knew what that meant. I knew it quite well, too well. It hit me then, people who overthink things are the ones who usually like to take carefully calculated actions. It’s always up to you whether you overthink things and play all the different scenarios in your head or just take an action and trust your gut feeling. People who overthink tend to waste their time until the other person they’re obsessing about is the one who actually takes the action and they just stare right there with an open jaw thinking why the hell wasn’t I able to do that.
Me: Message received, but let me tell you one thing. If it’s that easy for you to take the decision of us taking a break, then what I’m about to say shouldn’t come as a shock to you. Let’s just end it, I don’t do breaks, I like things to be simple and that’s exactly what I thought I was getting into with our relationship. Turns out it keeps on getting more and more complicated. Oh, and good luck with your mum ever approving any girl you date, she’s a piece of work! One last thing, consider this my one month notice. I took the risk of us getting together, knowing if it didn’t work, I would have to do that step, so now better than later. I’ll email you and HR shortly for it to be official. Nothing more here to add, good night Amr!
It felt so weird to act that strong, but it was refreshing, kind of like the “I’ve Got the Power” song, know it? It’s time for some serious change in my life. That’s the only thing I felt a HELL YES about. It feels like I was going around in the same circle over and over again, Billy, and then Amr with their never ending drama. It’s time to get out of it and turn things around, NOW more than ever. Once and for all! See, I’m not afraid to change things, are you?
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