September 02, 2013 12:00 AM | by Luci
Post #25: Caught in the Act
Billy: That's it, I can't do this anymore!
Me: What exactly can't you do anymore? Us?
Billy: No, lying to you. My head has been like a roller coaster for the past two weeks. I really can't take this anymore.
Me: That's all you have to tell me? Do you even have any idea how you hurt me? Not only that, but coming from my best friend and favorite guy on earth, it hurt a hundred times more!
Billy: I'm sorry, I really feel like shit. I feel terrible!
And with that Billy started telling me things from his own perspective. Apparently he's still not over Nathalie, and he has been trying really hard since she came back home to avoid her, but she was determined to continuously talk to him and flirt, which brought back feelings. As he was talking, I really felt like slapping him and tell him to wake up, he's about to lose the greatest girl in his life, me of course not that bitch! He continued telling me that he was deeply in love with me as well but he couldn't help not thinking of Nathalie and that he was very confused on what he should do.
Me: Ok, at least you're honest now! But that's it, I can't be involved in this triangle.
Billy: Noooo, please don't say that. I'm talking to you as my best friend now. You have no idea how I feel.
Me: And you have no idea how I feel either, so enough with this dramatic "no one knows how I feel".
Billy: Fair enough! I'm sorry, you really have no idea how bad I feel especially that I hurt you.
Me: Anyway, good luck with Nathalie, I'm not willing to be with a guy who doesn't know for sure he wants to be with me.
You might be wondering why I'm acting so strong about it, but what I was doing is really acting, I was about to burst into tears, but I couldn't do that in front of him. I wanted to go back to my room and cry my heart out and then hit a punching bag! Yeah, that doesn't even describe how terrible I felt.
Billy: Please don't leave me now. I need you and I promise I'll make things right. Just give me some time to figure it out.
Me: Why should I? You really don't deserve it.
Billy: You of all people know how messed up I am and you're my best friend, you need to understand that I'm telling the truth. All I'm asking for is some time to think straight and to make things right.
Me: Think whether you want me or Nathalie?
He didn't know how to answer that, so I continued saying: "You know what? I can't continue this conversation and just for the sake of that I'll go now without deciding what we should do about it. I need my space too, but please don't call me until you're sure about what you want or I will once I decide as well."
I stormed out of the car and into my house, asked my mum to tell anyone who might call me that I'm asleep and I shut off my mobile. That's it, I really don't feel like speaking to anyone at all. I called sick the next two days at work as well, I couldn't see her in front of me or else I would definitely hit her. I thought it would be best for me to stay home alone and decide for myself what's best for me. For some weird reason, I couldn't help every now and then to think about things from Billy's side. If only he wasn't my best friend, things wouldn't have hurt that badly nor would I have cared about how he felt. I shouldn't care about it, right? You probably think I'm a weak personality to have those thoughts going through my head. That's why I also decided not to share what happened with anyone else, other than you guys, but then again you don't know who I am, so no embarrassment here. I couldn't face Dina, Habiba or Mona though. If only they knew what Billy did to me and that I still haven't ended things, I wouldn't hear the end of it, especially that I'm supposed to be the strong one among them.
I didn't think it was appropriate to take a third day off though I was felt like crap, but I had to get it together. Amr was kind enough to give me two days without even asking why, so I shouldn't ask for more. My eyes were swollen from all the crying so I had to use some heavy makeup to try and hide that.
The moment I walked in, Youssef knew something was wrong with me, I could tell from the way he looked at me with those puppy eyes of his. I locked myself into my office and decided to release my anger on working hard, maybe I'll forget for a few seconds how hurt I am. That's when I receive a call from Amr asking to have a quick meeting for a project we've been working on for a while. I stepped into the room and found the bitch sitting there along with Sahar, Youssef and a couple of my other colleagues. I don't smile at anyone and try to sit as far as possible from her. Whenever she opened her mouth I felt like either hitting her or storming out. I have never ever seen someone that evil in my life. Words can't even describe how devious she is. Acting all sweet and pretty and she has such a hateful black heart! I start daydreaming for a minute, when Amr's comment brings me back to reality.
Amr: That's not how the client wanted it, am I right Luci?
Me: Sorry, I'm a bit tired today. Could you please repeat your question?
Amr: I think Nathalie sent out the event invitations to the wrong list. Can you please check?
I tried to remain calm and checked what he had asked for on my email and turns out she screwed up. Without even having any control over myself, I found myself saying: "How could you do such a dumb mistake Nathalie? I can't believe it. It was such a simple task and you couldn't even pull it off right? It was very clear on what the client has asked us to do and yet you couldn't listen and did what you thought was right as always! Go to your office and fix it now. Youssef please make sure she does it right this time."
Youssef: Sure Luci.
Nathalie didn't know whether she should really go back to her office just because I told her, she looked at Amr and he nodded with his head, so she stormed out of the meeting room, hopefully in tears. Youssef left a few seconds after her with a big smile on his face. Once the rest of the team was done with discussing what we needed to do next and we were about to leave the room, Amr asked me to stay.
Amr: What's wrong?
Amr: Don't tell me that's nothing. I've never seen you that angry at someone and though I know you have your reasons not to like her, but the Luci I know wouldn't act that way.
Me: I know and I'm sorry you had to see this. But I've really had it from that girl. Wherever I go I find her.
Amr: Ok, now I know for a fact something isn't right. What's wrong?
For some reason I felt the urge to tell him. I know he wouldn't judge like girls do. Maybe I should talk to Youssef instead, but when Amr kept on insisting, I promised him I'll tell him more about it later as I needed to focus a bit on work instead of personal problems. I finally decided to open my mobile phone and found tons of emails, which weren't important, in addition to many What's Apps from my friends and several missed calls from Habiba and Dina. They seemed to be worried! Nothing from Billy, not even a single sorry. Well, that certainly shows where his priorities are. It's not me and that's really sad! I wished for things to be different. Maybe if I shut off my phone and opened it again I would find anything from him. Wishful and weak thinking. I'm better and stronger than that.
Around the end of the day, Amr made a stop at my office and insisted we have dinner together, he had already reserved and he won't take no for an answer. I smiled and decided maybe it was best to take my head off of things or perhaps release all the anger inside of me by talking to him about it.
Amr: The steak here is awesome, you'll love it. Plus you don't look like you've been eating well.
Me: Great, then steak it is!
We ordered and then Amr started asking me what's wrong.
Amr: I'm not pressuring you, only if you feel like talking about it. If not I understand, there are tons of other things we can speak about as well.
He didn't have to convince me much to talk, it was like I really needed to speak to someone about it pretty badly. He listened closely as I gave him all the details of what had happened. He didn't say a word until I was completely done.
Amr: Do you want me to be just a listener or am I allowed to give a piece of advice as well?
Me: Of course, go ahead.
Amr: Take your time and think about it. You alone need to decide what you want to do. If he's worth fighting for or if it's better to leave him now. I don't think you're weak, I actually think you're strong enough that up till now you didn't slap Nathalie. She does deserve a slap!
I giggled at what Amr said, I loved the way he put things and for a second there I didn't feel all that weak about what I was doing. He's a great friend, maybe I should talk to him more often. Men are less judgmental than women, that's for sure! A familiar female voice called my name, I looked around and it was Habiba with her overaged boyfriend.
Habiba: Hey, I can't believe I'm lucky enough to see you.
Me: Yeah, had a couple of rough days.
Habiba: Guys, can you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to Luci. (referring to Amr and Rafik)
Habiba and I walked away from the table and she immediately asked me: "Are you okay?"
Me: Yeah, I'm a bit better now!
Habiba: I can't believe that jerk did that to you.
Me: What do you mean?
Habiba: Luci, stop acting dumb! I know the whole story, Dina told me everything.
Me: And how does Dina even know?
Habiba: She got worried about you when we couldn't reach you, so she called Billy and he told her everything.
I felt betrayed by him again. This was supposed to be between him and me. Yes, they're my best friends as well (he's not anymore!) but that doesn't mean he's allowed to tell them anything.
Me: Yeah, I didn't feel like talking to anyone.
Habiba: What did you decide to do?
Me: Nothing yet, I'm confused and need to take more time to think.
Habiba: What's there to think about? How could you let a guy do this to you? Even if it's Billy! You're stronger than that and you need to end it now!
Me: Well, that's my call. When I'm comfortable with that decision, I'll do it!
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