March 21, 2020 11:00 AM | by Luci
Post #96: I'm Not Ready for This!
Hi lovely readers,
I'll jump in right away to the end of my last post, after I took the pregnancy test and it showed 2 lines.
Faisal: Luci, I think the two lines means you're pregnant!
I felt like I was going to faint, it felt like the world was spinning, I could barely stand up and walk to the bed, so I decided to just lie down infrot of the toilet and hug my stomach.
Faisal: Luci! Are you there?
I couldn't even answer Faisal, the tears came flooding in, and I could not stop them. I just cried, and cried!
Faisal: I'm coming home now, hang in there babe, it's going to be okay.
Of course for him it's going to be okay, he must be so happy I'm pregnant, he's wanted this for so long, probably from his first marriage. What is it with men and age, no scratch that, what is it with people, age and babies!
Faisal feels like he's reaching his late thirties, and so he wants a kid, I mean will it make such a difference 37 from 38?! And what about us women, once we turn a year older, the pressure is on! All you hear is, 'Where are the babies?', 'When are you going to have a baby?', 'You know, the younger you have the child the better?' bla bla bla bla bla
People should have babies, when they are ready, right? But no, the Arab culture seems to disagree, women should have babies when their family decides they are ready. I mean, I carry the child for 9 months, push it out, and have a whole new responsibility in this world, all so they could play around with them, and squish their cute little faces. That just doesn't seem right?
Then there is the guilt and lack of gratitude. I know I should be grateful for being pregnant, because so many women have a hard time or don't even know how to have kids. And, it's not that I am not grateful, I'm just not ready. Of course, my mother will play the guilt card on me, by telling me, how thankful she may have the chance to meet her grandkids before she gets too old and passes away. So, now I am obligated to change my whole life plan and have a kid so the grandparents can be happy.
No, that's just not right! Or, am I being too harsh? Should I compromise? Do you ladies ever have these thoughts? Do you use the 'A' word, because I am not ashamed to use it, even though I know it's frowned upon.
But...my life, my body, means my choice!
Faisal walked in with flowers, chocolates and a small baby gift too.
Faisal: Luci, I know you're freaking out and nervous, but I'm happy, this is such a beautiful gift and we should celebrate not be upset.
Me: I want to get an abortion.
My next post, is coming Saturday at 11:00 AM (Cairo time) tune in to find out how we dealt with that tough discussion. Did I go through with it?
If you enjoyed this post, don't miss out on reading the rest of Luci's story here>>