I woke up in the middle of the night feeling scared and depressed. I tried to distract myself with watching some TV, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was like I was suffocating. The following day I canceled all my plans and crawled in bed not wanting to see or talk to anyone.
Feeling really down and lonely, suddenly something in my head told me there’s a way to end all of this, for a moment there I lost myself to the idea but then I came to my senses, I got into the shower and let the cold water calm my steaming body. This was me having a suicidal thought. I looked in the mirror and I was really scared. "What the hell is going on?" I whispered quietly.
Two days later I got my period and it hit me, I didn't feel like that anymore, I am myself again and it felt like It was a terrible nightmare except it wasn’t! But still, I couldn’t ignore this feeling and what happened. So, I went to get help.
I went to my gynecologist and told her what was going on with me and how I experienced depressive phases during PMS and sometimes during my period. The first thing she did was reassure me that I did the right thing coming to her. She explained how some women like me experience mental illness symptoms like depression and anxiety during PMS. The symptoms differ from loss of appetite, sleep trouble and social withdrawal to sometimes suicidal thoughts and so on.
The doctor then said that it may be temporary or it could be a syndrome called Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder which is a disorder that affects 3-8% of women and can be treated with the help of antidepressants and other medications. She said I will need more evaluation to determine the cause of these symptoms and that in the meantime we should wait and monitor my period in more depth.
The reason I am writing this, my dear reader, is to tell you that if you feel like this, you are not alone and that you shouldn’t ever ignore any mental health issues and symptoms you could be experiencing during your cycle or any other time. This condition is real and it could affect any woman. During these dark moments remember that it is only temporary and talking about how you're feeling with someone close to you, make it a little easier. Working out regularly can help reduce symptoms, as well as practicing yoga. However, the best thing you can do is to go out and seek professional help from your doctor and be positive that whatever it is it can get better.