Post #7: Give Me a Sign

Now that I made quite the dramatic introduction, let me cut to the chase and tell you a bit more about what has been going on inside of my head. Of course you remember my "wanna-be" date with Billy on Valentine's Day, where we almost kissed. Since then things started getting a bit awkward, or was that from my side? I think it's all in my head. The problem with us women is that we think way too much, I would love to give my brain a rest, but it never stops. I never thought of Billy as the type of guy I would fall for, mainly because he is one of my oldest friends and I never thought about him romantically, but ever since Valentine's Day and the idea has started becoming more and more appealing to me. 

I automatically started talking less to him, though I was super tempted to What's App him more than once per day, but just left it at checking when he was last seen online. I couldn't even speak my mind out to any of my friends, because I wasn't sure of what I'm currently feeling; is it a fling or more? I really see us fitting perfectly, we've known each other for ages and I'm so comfortable around him, I can truly be myself without having to worry what he might think of me. I must say that's the most important thing in a relationship, as I've once been with a really handsome guy who was way too wise for me, or in other words I couldn't show my true face to him, which realistically speaking had to come to an end. But with Billy it would be sooo different, I can feel it, yet I'm scared to give it a try. And how can I even give it a try when I'm not sure how he feels about me? He's really protective of me and I know for a fact he loves me, but it's just a matter of technicality, whether it's friendship love or "I'm crazy about you" kind of thing. If he was crazy about me, I'm sure he would have told me or at least showed me by now. Could he be waiting for me to take the first step or at least indicate I'm interested? If that was the case, then I think I have been doing a good job at it lately. I decided to take matters into my own hands (or at least as much as I can) and start texting more, calling him more often and just trying to flirt a bit. But then again flirting doesn't come that naturally to me. 

I just wish I could share what's going on inside of my head with one of my friends, but luckily I can at least put it into writing and share it with you guys, perhaps you'd be able to give me a good piece of advice to follow. If I speak to Dina about it, I know she would tell me to go for it, without thinking whatsoever about any consequences because Billy and I were practically raised together, so there's always the fear of having things get too awkward between us and eventually loosing him? NO NO, that's never going to happen! Habiba wouldn't add much here, mainly because her and I kind of think along the same lines; better safe than sorry. So it'll be more both of us thinking and thinking until it might be too late. And though Mona's advice on such a situation would really come in handy, but I can't speak to her about this. I really have a strong feeling that she's into Billy, though I hope she's not. Now that would get things even more complicated, wouldn't it?

Is it even ethical to think about a guy, you have a feeling one of your very very close friends might have a thing for? Oufff, my head is about to explode! I got some raspberry ice-cream next to me and kept on stuffing myself. Enough is enough really! But I couldn't stop thinking about Mona and if she might have a thing for Billy or not. She sure pays more attention and smiles more when she's around him, though she hasn't been flirty in any way, but then again if I'm a 6/10 when it comes to flirting, then she must be a 2/10. Hashtag Fail!

Okay, so how about I do the following? I'll just try from my side to be a bit more obvious about how I feel about him, and try to gain Mona's trust, and if she happens to like him, then I'll instantly back off. After all there are plenty of fish in the sea! But come to think of it, there's no fish like my Billy, he's just one of a kind, that I can tell you. 

But seriously, why can't guys grow some balls and just show us women that they are interested? How many of us out there are facing the same problem? I bet that at least half of the fabulous ladies reading my post will relate. We've all seen the movie "He's not that into you", which kind of makes me think twice before making a move. That movie makes it seem if a guy is into you then he'll do a move for sure, whereas life has taught me otherwise. A living example right in front of my eyes would be my mum and dad, which I'll surely tell you more about in one of my upcoming posts.

Enough thinking, time for some action! I held my phone, and thought to myself whether I should text or call? Perhaps tell him that I'd love for us to do something together, maybe he'll get the hint! Okay CALL LUCI CALL...

Dialing his number, which I know by heart, it rang a few times and then he finally picked up. It felt like forever! 

Billy: What's up gorgeous?

Me: I'm fine and you?

Billy: Doing fine! I'm running some errands with Mona for her new office. Do you want to tag along?

Me? Tag along? You wish! Seems like Mona doesn't waste much time, now does she? Maybe she has a little Dina inside of her...

Me: I'm busy now! But maybe we can do something today or tomorrow, I mean me and you?

Billy: Why not? What do you have in mind?

Me: I'm craving pasta and then we can do fried ice-cream haha

Billy: Sounds cool, I'll call you in a bit to see when I should pick you up.

As I hang up, it hit me. Why am I keeping Mona in mind when she's obviously not keeping me in hers? But then again she doesn't know anything so it's just mean for me to assume the worst of her. And what's up with him always wanting to go out in groups? "WE" not just me and him? Seriously, what do I need to do to get his full attention just on me?

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