You know that weird feeling you get when you miss someone? Well, I've been getting it a lot lately! All what I've been thinking of is Billy. What is he doing? Is he still with Nathalie? Is he happy or not? Does he miss me? Thinking about him for a while resulted in me dreaming about him for several nights in a row. And one day, I woke up and decided that I need to call him. Calling him didn't mean I'd want to get back together, or that I'm slightly interested, but I felt that my heart is trying to tell me something, and this time I just needed to go with the flow.
On my way to the office, I gave him a call and he answered at an instant.
Billy: Hey Luci!
Me: Heyyy, how have you been man?
Billy: I'm good, have been really busy. Or keeping myself busy.
Me: Oh, is that so? Busy doing what?
Billy: Work, I guess. I got a new motorcycle!
Me: Wow, that's awesome. Did you fall in love with it yet?
Billy: Yes, words can't describe how much I love it haha
Billy: So how about you? Is everything okay with you?
Me: Yeah, pretty much work and some drama with Dina, that I can't seem to fix till now. But I'm getting on it this week.
Billy: I haven't seen any of the girls for a long time.
Me: I know, no one of them knows anything about you. Have you been busy with Nathalie or what?
Billy: You can say that. But I miss you, you have no idea!
Me: Trust me, you have noooo idea how much I miss you either. Let's go out soon, what do you say?
Billy: Sure, let's do that. Let me call you back in a while as I need to take care of a few things. Bye!
That was awkward! He was super nice and then all of a sudden he had to hang up like that? Maybe it was dumb of me to tell him how much I miss him, but what can I say, I'm just too much of an emotional person. After all, I really did miss him a LOT!
I arrive to the office a bit more confused, with a gut feeling that there's something weird about this day. Not sure why, but all of a sudden I got that feeling. I step into my room at the office and all of a sudden I find Amr and Youssef greeting me as if they haven't seen me in a long while, which was not the case, because I had just seen them the day before. I looked at them, or actually stared at them for a while, trying to figure out what was wrong. Then I got distracted by Sahar's voice outside, letting out an excited scream and hugging Nathalie. At that instant, I got the same weird gut feeling again that today was going to be quite the shocker for me. Just as I was about to ask Amr and Youssef what was going on, I noticed Youssef snatching something off of my desk.
Me: What did you just take?
Youssef: Nothing. Just a paper I left with some work details, I need to add some changes to it.
Me: Do you think I'm buying that?
Me: Okay, then please show me what you took off of my desk. I'm serious Youssef.
He looked at me and then at Amr as if he's trying to confirm with him that it's okay to give me back what he snatched. Amr nodded and then Youssef gave me what was in his hands. An envelope. Okay! I opened it carefully, and truth be told. I was scared of what might be inside of it. I'm a smart girl, I can put one plus one, but I just needed to read it with my very own eyes to actually believe it. What I read next was beyond shocking and devastating for me.
"With joy in our hearts, we, Nathalie Younis and Billy Fayed request the honor of your presence to celebrate our new life together, the 25th of February at eight o'clock in the evening at the Four Seasons hotel."
A moment of silence, maybe a bit too long. I look up at Amr and Youssef and then read the invitation again and again and again. Maybe I missed something!
Me: Billy and Nathalie? Getting married? They're not even engaged!
Amr: Yeah, seems like they are. I'm so sorry Luci. I can't possibly imagine how you're feeling. But like I told you before, you're better off without that jerk.
Me: Yeah I am. I'll get back to work.
Of course I couldn't get back to work, all I could think of was crying! But I couldn't! I couldn't show Nathalie how weak I am or that I still had a tiny bit of me longing for Billy, who soon would be her husband. And all of a sudden, I found myself texting him: "With joy in our hearts?"
He called me two minutes later, but I didn't have the strength to answer. He kept on calling the whole day, but I just put my phone on silent and tried to ignore it throughout the day. I tried to fake that I'm working throughout the day to avoid any pity talk from anyone, even if it's Youssef or Amr and I know they mean well, but I just couldn't take it.
Around five o'clock, I put together my things and was about to leave when I saw Dina making an entrance. I could tell from her look that she got the invitation and the first thing she thought of was to check up on me.
Dina: You aren't answering your phone, so I got worried. Your mum is very worried too!
Me: Oh, I didn't see you guys called, my phone was on silent. Sorry...
Dina: Don't apologize. Are you ready to go?
Me: Yes please take me out of here!
There was another awkward silence in the car, she knew I didn't feel like talking and I felt so bad I wasn't fully there for her when she needed me, and despite of that, she decided to be the better one.
I stepped out of the car and found Billy standing in front of my house. I looked at Dina and then back at him. I got a deja-vu from our very first date, as everything was exactly the same, except that too much time has passed and separated us.
Dina: I'll leave you guys a bit to talk.
Me: There's nothing to talk about, seriously!
And all of a sudden, Billy just grabbed me and hugged me, the kind of hug you give someone you adore and haven't seen in such a long time.
Billy: I miss you!
Me: Dude, snap out of it. I told you there's nothing to talk about. I'm sorry I called today and I'm even more sorry I texted you. It was just a reaction. That's all.
Billy: I know you better than that.
Me: Oh really? Whenever I think you're the person who knew me the most, you manage to do something to prove me wrong. So no, you have no clue who I am. And frankly speaking, neither do I!
Billy: I wanted to tell you in person, but when you called me, you took my by surprise, I couldn't tell you. You have no idea how excited I was to hear your voice today and to hear you telling me you miss me.
Me: That's how I felt this morning, but not anymore. You just reminded me why I cut things off in first place and for that I have to thank you.
Billy: What did you expect me to do? Stop living just because you didn't want to be with me? I tried, for a long time to give you your space and I called but you never answered. It's true I messed up terribly, but who doesn't? If you didn't mess up now, you'll do so later. I'm human and at the end of the day, what matters the most is how I feel about you. But I couldn't lose you and Nathalie as well for the slight chance that you might take me back one day.
Me: Well, for what it's worth you still mean a lot to me. And one day I'll be happy for you, but for now just give me my space and time to be angry and mad at the world. Okay?
Billy: And for what it's worth, you're the only girl I truly loved and I messed up big time, but trust me you'll always have a place in my heart.
My mum came to the rescue a minute or so later, claiming she needs my help urgently with something. Billy got the clue and left.
When you let someone go, make sure you let them go for good, or else you'll be hanging there just wondering what could have been, you'll stay stuck in the same place and they simply move on. It's shocking and it hurts like hell, but this is reality, I need to man up and deal with it like the strong woman I am. Right?