I left the counselling session feeling quite uneasy, and if possible even more confused than before. But, I tried to remind myself that these things take time and I will never realize everything after one session.

I thought a lot about what she said on having an outlet, and it made me realize how I barely do anything for me lately. It was all work, couch potato, fight with Faisal and then repeat. I mean, what kind of life is that? A sad one I must say.

I decided to dedicate my week to journaling and trying to find a hobby that can serve as an outlet for me, while being pregnant, which reminded me, I think I need to book an appointment with my doctor to head in for a check up, I mean it's about time right? I can't keep avoiding the fact that I'm pregnant.

The next week...

Counselor: So Luci, how was your week?

Me: It was okay, I started reading more this week, and you were right it helped, it was nice to shift my focus to the characters in the book, rather than my thoughts for a bit.

Counselor: That's great to hear, what about the journaling?

Me: I tired, but wasn't very successful, I barely wrote two sentences, it's like my head was blank.

Counselor: That's okay, keep at it, when the time is right all the thoughts in your head will flow on to the paper. In the meantime I thought we can do a little exercise today, that I think will help with the journaling.

Me: Sure, sounds good.

Counselor: I'm going to say a word, and I want you to tell me how you feel about that word.

Me: Seems simple enough.

Counselor: Okay then; Commitment.

Silence... A minute or so goes by.

Counselor: How about...Marriage?

Again Silence...

Counselor: Just say anything Luci, don't think about it.

Me: It's like my mind becomes a blank white page.

Counselor: Okay then, let's make it easier. Are you happy being in a committed relationship?

Me: Not at the moment.

Counselor: Why is that?

Me: I really don't like the person I've become in this relationship.

Counselor: And, do you blame your husband for this or yourself?

Me: My husband.

Stay tuned for next week, Saturday at 11:00 AM (Cairo time), for more details about my counseling sessions.

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