Hi Ladies, so last I left you, I wasn't doing too well, and honestly ever since, things kind of went even more downhill for me. I just started to spiral out of control and my negative thoughts completely took over me.
I went from the, 'why is this happening to me' phase, to 'maybe I was never meant to be a mother' phase day after day. I didn't have it in me to talk to my mum about this, because she just kept saying the same old thing and even worse... all I'd hear from her is, "My friend's daughter had a miscarriage and went to this doctor" or, "my friend's daughter told my friend to tell you to try bla bla bla..."
I was just getting so annoyed from the same old conversation, let alone feeling like all my mother's friends now knew my business; just made me uncomfortable for some reason.
Faisal was doing his best to be supportive, but I knew he really just wanted me to do the procedure so we can move forward with trying again for another child, so while he was being supportive, I could still feel 'pressure'.
Talking to Dina was honestly the last thing I wanted to do, I just couldn't be the happy friend for her, and for some reason she thought if I help her shop for baby clothes, then maybe I'd feel better or be able to make a decision faster. But, the thought of standing in a baby store just made me want to cry my heart out.
That's when I discovered Facebook support groups. I was googling the pros and cons of the procedure and looking for forums online of women who actually did the procedure to hear about their experience, and I came across an article where one woman wrote about how a Facebook group literally saved her life.
I had nothing left to lose, so I decided to join a few groups and take my chances, and I never thought such a world existed. There were Facebook support groups for women pregnant during COVID-19, groups for women who miscarry, groups for women going through postpartum depression and these groups were filled with women just talking their hearts out. It was actually very comforting to realize I wasn't the only women going through this.
One of the groups actually hosted a talk with a doula, where she would share tips and insights for women feeling overwhelmed and pregnant during these crazy COVID times and how they can successfully give birth to a healthy baby.
Then there was the miscarriage groups and OH MY GOD, I had no idea that many women miscarry in the world. Women were posting stories of their fifth and sixth miscarriages and how they are refusing to give up hope to start a family. There were stories of women who are going through IVF and their experience and side effects, along with women looking to adopt and it was just very inspiring.
Here I am complaining about one miscarriage while this other woman is documenting her adoption story because there are so many kids in the world who don't have parents and need a family.
It was just such an eye opener for me, I spent almost an entire day just reading about people's experiences, and a lot of women seemed to be going through a lot of what I was feeling. The depression and the questioning of whether or not they want to have children; it was just so common. Ironically the thread was called #yourenotalone and it was just oddly comforting to dive into the thread of comments.
That's when I came across a picture of a mother with 2 beautiful daughters and she titled her post: I miscarried 3 times, did 3 procedures and was blessed with 2 beautiful souls. She dedicated an entire post talking about her experience, and how she was reluctant at first to actually go through with cleaning out her uterus, but she chose to go through with it to feel like she gave herself every possible chance to have a child. It was such an inspiring post, that I ended up directly messaging this random stranger online. We ended up messaging for hours...
Me: Your story hit very close to home and I just want to thank you for sharing.
Woman: Thank you for your message, I hope I was able to help in any way.
Me: Actually, would you mind if I ask you about the procedure?
Woman: Of course, please go ahead. Whatever you need.
Me: I'm just a bit scared and don't know if it's worth going through with the procedure or just opting to wait it out for the uterus to heal naturally.
Woman: I waited at first actually in hope that would happen, but it didn't work, and I ended up doing the procedure anyways. It was good that I did, turned out, even if the pill had worked, I would have discovered down the line I'd need to do the procedure anyways. My advice, just do it and get it over with, when you do, your body starts to recover, your hormones level adjust and you basically just prep your body and have it in it's best form so you can decide next how you want to proceed, whether or not you want to start trying again, or would rather wait. Because I get it, I considered just not after my second procedure, but now looking back I'm thankful I didn't.
After hearing her reply, I called my doctor and booked my appointment to do the procedure next week, so wish me luck guys.
Tune in to know what happened next. You don't want to miss it! Saturday at 11:00 AM (Cairo time).