Hey lovely readers,
Remember I told you we'll be flashing back to my wedding day? Well that's exactly what I did at my past therapy session. My doctor believes that I need to tap deep into my feelings to address a lot of things I have been experiencing lately.
The night flew by filled with laughter and dancing. Everything was going really well, until Faisal whispered into my ear how he can't wait to take me upstairs.
Faisal: I promise this is going to be a night you will never forget. I've got the sexiest thing planned... so be prepared and show me what you got!
It was in that moment when everything just hit me! My heart started beating really fast, it felt like it was about to jump outside of my whole body.
Next, I remember that I grabbed Dina, and told her I needed assistance going to the bathroom. I needed someone to calm me down fast, and she was the only one who can do that.
When we got to the bathroom, I could barely breathe, I think I was having some sort of a panic attack. I told her to lock the door, and not to open it unless I told her to.
Dina: What's wrong Luci? I'm starting to freak out!
Me: I don't think I can do this Dina! I'm just not ready to head up to a room with Faisal! How on earth am I supposed to have sex feeling like this? I mean he is so much more experienced than I am. I just don't want to mess up.
Dina kept talking me down, telling me it's totally normal to feel what I'm feeling and that all brides, whether marrying an experienced man or not, get nervous on the wedding night. Eventually I did manage to relax and head back to the wedding and enjoy what was left of it.
The moment Faisal and I entered the honeymoon suite, he turned me around and started kissing my neck, while slowly unzipping my dress. I know it sounds sexy as hell, but something just felt wrong...
I wasn't excited, I was super nervous and not at all enjoying this! Why isn't he taking things slow? I ended up shoving myself away from Faisal, and boy did he look shocked!
Me: What the hell are you doing? You think because your last wife liked this, that I would to?
Faisal: What are you talking about?
Me: You've been acting all cocky and whispering things in my ear all night long, did it even occur to you that I'd be nervous and would like to take things slow, just to get me comfortable? Or, was this what you did with your ex-wife and it was a huge success that you thought you'd do the same with me?
Faisal's face went red, and he stared at the floor. He was too embarrassed to answer, but it was clear enough. He was repeating the same thing he did with his last wife with me, and that just seemed wrong on so many levels.
I started to tear up and could not believe that this was how my wedding night was ending up to be. Faisal just stood there, saying nothing and staring at the floor.
Me: I'm going to take a shower.
Faisal: Okay, I think I forgot something with one of the groomsmen downstairs, I'll be right back.
Me: Could you help me unzip my dress first, so I can take a shower.
He came up behind me, unzipped my dress and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
Faisal: I'm so sorry, I'll make this up to you I promise. Take a nice relaxing shower, and I'll be right back.
I decided to take a long warm shower, in order to try and calm myself down and excite myself. I didn't want to ever look back on my wedding night and have a bad memory. So, I brushed my hair, put on some sexy lingerie, a robe and added a pop of color to my lips.
When I walked out of the bathroom, it's like I walked into a whole other room! The lights were dimmed, there were candles and rose petals everywhere, and a laptop was hooked up to the TV, with my favorite movie on, Pretty Woman.
Me: So that's what you went to get huh?
Faisal: No no, the first part of the night never happened, I don't know what your talking about! Did you have a good shower?
He really was trying to flip this whole night around and I was loving the effort, things were starting to feel right again.
Me: Yup, very relaxing!
Faisal: Good! The hotel sent up some left over wedding cake, and I ordered your favorite ice-cream too. So, sit back, watch your movie and eat your dessert as I go in for a quick shower.
He came up to me, gave me a nice long hug, and told me I looked amazing.
I have to admit, I was feeling all the butterflies flutter around in my stomach!
The night started out horribly, turned into AMAZING, but unfortunately it ended horribly! And, according to my therapist, this is where all our issues actually began, but we never noticed.
Stay tuned for my next post Saturday at 11:00 AM (Cairo time), to understand why!