Fustany Talks: In 2019 I Finally Found out What Friendships Should Be

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As 2019 is ending, I find myself nearing the beginning of a new decade, so I wanted to sit and reminisce on what the highlights of 2019 were for me. I found a lot of good things, but also some very difficult things that taught me a lot. What struck me the most was the amount of friends that I had lost this year. I lost a lot of very close male and female friends. So, what does losing friends teach you?

There are a lot of reasons behind why we tend to lose a lot of friends throughout our life time, whether they were mistake from their end or mine. The mistake I blame myself for the most is having cared too much and having put them on a pedestal that is a lot higher than they deserve. As for their part, there were a lot of mixed signals from there end that got me confused. They were friendly one minute and distant the next. So, should I stay or should I go?

Even though it was very difficult for me to lose those friends and realize that I don't have a big number of friends anymore, after giving everything a lot of thought, I found that sometimes losing friends can actually be really good for me. Why losing friends is a good thing? Well to start, how can I depend on or trust friends that aren't there for me when I need them, when I need them to stand by me as I go through something extremely difficult. How can I count on someone who says "Yes, I'm your best friend" but isn't actually there to prove it.

Fear of making new friends

A friend once said to me, "We just make up moments in each other's lives." Her words kept replaying in my head throughout this past year. Could it be true that friendships are not meant to last a lifetime? Are friendships just a couple of beautiful years with some people and then you move on? How am I supposed to make new friends now, when the one's that I'd had for 6 and 8 years fell apart...

I learned a lot about friendship in 2019...

From there I learned how to start distancing myself from people and friends that I didn't feel comfortable with, or I didn't feel like myself when I was around them. I've always wondered, why do I keep doing this to myself? I should have friends that make me feel comfortable and secure, helping me through life's burdens, not have friends that are a burden. And this is why I've been saying to those who are dear to my heart that they should stop any friendships that affect their comfort and happiness.

Even though I spent a long time saying "I lost my friendship with....", after a while I finally understood that I actually won. I won myself and I gained my peace of mind.

At the end of this year, I'm happy to say that I don't feel the need anymore to have a big group of friends. 3 or 4 really good friends are enough for me. The presence of friendship is not defined by quantity, but by their actual presence and support when you need them.

As 2020 approaches, I'm beginning to see that a lot of my perceptions have changed. I proud to have seen myself matured after going through a tough time this year. I finally understood what a friendship should be and I can finally point out the real friends around me, who will be there for me through what's to come next...

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Main Image Credits: Instagram @withloveleena