Fustany Team 
I remember the first time I realized my unhappiness was not PMS, a bad day or not being a 'morning person' and I remember both feeling relieved, sorry for myself and terrified. Without wanting to label myself under a certain mental health category, I felt that I at least had to acknowledge that not wanting to leave bed and talk to people everyday was not normal and that I needed to face what was really happening. I was very unhappy and I had been for a while and didn't realize the extent I had reached.
As I am on the path to working on getting better through therapy and finding the silver lining, a lot of things are coming to my awareness like some of the causes of my anxiety and sadness. With this awareness, I often become, overwhelmed, shocked and extremely sad of where I am. Hard days hit me and I started feeling very depressed. The darkest thing about depression is that darkness in and of itself, it's very difficult to see any light, hope or joy. It becomes a vicious cycle of feeling depressed, not being able to find any reason to be happy, feeling guilty about not being grateful and happy with what you have and so you start overthinking and fall even deeper into that dark state of mind.
I'm slowly trying to learn how to help my mind get out of that rut. I've been trying to find and remind myself of the things that have a very strong impact on my heart and mind and help ease me back into the feelings of joy, excitement and finding the beauty in life.
Sometimes it takes a beautiful film to help my mind see beauty again and inspire me to get up and start looking for the beauty in my life.
A strong, emotional talk with friends and family has always helped. When I'm feeling down I tend to want to isolate myself and taking the initiative to socialize is very difficult, but when someone or a conversation finds its way to my heart it reminds me of how important the people in my life are to me and how their presence keeps me going.
My partner has been one of the strongest forces that have been picking me up through this difficult time. Being with him always reminds me of the strongest feeling I have ever felt, which is love. Holding his hand and taking the time to look into his eyes reminds me of what it felt like to fall in love and how euphoric and powerful that love is. These strong emotions are very important for depression because sometimes the mind is struggling to feel anything at all.
One of the things that made me realize how deep my unhappiness was, was my lost connection to music. Music was always a huge part of my life, my escape from the noise of living in the city, a festering place for my thoughts, a way to drown them out and a way to change their perspective into something more melodically beautiful. When I found myself struggling to feel the music and connect with it like before, it really bruised me. It felt like something inside me was stripped from me. So, whenever I find myself in that place, I constantly have to remind myself to pause, breath and listen. Really listen to the music, feel every beat, lyric and voice, like I used to. This reminder of the beauty of music can be very powerful.
Sometimes I find that I'm not giving myself enough care. These things might seem superficial, but dressing up, putting on makeup, doing my nails and generally pampering myself is very important to me. I found a system that has worked for me, whenever I'm feeling down and non-cared for by myself, the first thing I do is get up and take a shower. The water really helps refresh the body and in return, sometimes, the mind. After that, I start organizing my room, giving it a boost of beautiful energy as my hair dries. I do my skincare and get my nails manicured and after I'm done it feels like a fresh start, like I can restart the negativity and have a more productive take on the day.
Everyday might feel like a fight for happiness, but my happiness is something worth fighting for and I want to believe that one day it won't feel like a fight anymore. So this is why I wrote this article, as the final reminder for myself.
Main Image Credits: Instagram @frankvinyl
