In order to understand why emotional affairs are wrong, you should realize first what emotional affairs are. While an emotional affair is not sexual in its essence, it may develop into a sexual relationship. However, the real definition of it is having an intimate and deep connection with someone who’s not your partner. This connection is stronger than a normal friendship and may be close to or even deeper than the intimacy and connection you have with your partner. In this article, we’ll share signs that may indicate you’re having an emotional affair and what to do about it.
You talk to each other all the time
Most often, intense physical contact between the parties is what defines emotional affairs. This means interacting frequently even while you are apart as well as being together. For instance, you frequently speak with this person at odd times. You spend a lot of time messaging, emailing, or video chatting with them. You might even put off taking care of your relationship, your family, or other responsibilities so you can stay in touch with this person all the time.
You share a lot!
a tendency to emphasize this other connection to an extent where you rely on them more than your own partner is another trait of emotional affairs. They quickly turn into the first person you think to contact when you have any news to share. They are the one you call, for instance, if you have great news or if you are having a bad day. You could not be sharing much at all with your partner. Even if you aren't purposefully keeping things from your partner, the lack of communication leaves them in the dark about what is truly going on in your life.
They’re the focus of your attention
Your attention shifts to the person you're having an emotional affair with. Your thoughts are taken over by this person. You might also discover that focusing on anything besides this individual is tough. Your friend is always on your mind. This individual occupies a lot of your thoughts throughout the day, from the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep. You think about this individual as you get ready, hoping they will take notice of how nice you look.
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They’re your safe place
This individual, in your opinion, "gets" you. You begin to believe that they truly comprehend you—perhaps even more so than your spouse. You might think you and this individual share a lot of interests or that you have a lot in common. You might believe that this person comprehends you in a way that other people, your partner included, do not since it appears that you have a special connection. This can sometimes lead to you withholding information from your partner even more, which weakens your closeness, connection, and communication even more.
Sharing inappropriate stuff
Conversations on work and other things may start an emotional affair, but they frequently turn into more personal discussions about your relationship and sex life. Your connection to this other person is strengthened by your tendency to expose yourself to emotional vulnerability while sharing intimate information about yourself and your feelings. You talk about really private issues like your present relationship issues. You confide in this individual about all or most of your issues. Additionally, while you do this, your dissatisfaction with your spouse increases.
You compare them with your partner
You can start to compare your partner to your special person as you get closer to them. You could become upset with your partner for not acting in the same manner as the other individual.
It also indicates that you frequently focus on your partner's faults and overemphasize their flaws while disregarding their qualities. You also fail to see any unfavorable qualities in the individual with whom you are having an emotional affair with because of these unfair comparisons.
You start telling lies or hiding things. This typically involves lying by omission. You don't just keep your spouse in the dark about your conversations, get-togethers, lunches, messages, and phone calls; you also take steps to conceal these exchanges. You might, for instance, remove texts from your phone or, if pressed, deny having ever communicated. When you are lying or hiding anything, you know in your heart that this is wrong. If your husband overheard a recording of a conversation between you, would you be embarrassed?
It feels almost addictive how attracted you are to this new individual. After a long weekend, you both feel quite delighted to see each other. And if you don't get to chat with this person for a while, you feel like you've lost out on a fun experience. In essence, you constantly long to be close to this individual. A sign that your friendship is on the verge of becoming an emotional affair is if you miss this person when you're apart from them more than you miss your partner.
Arousal and sexual tension
It's obvious that an emotional affair is already developing if you feel comfortable discussing your own private sexual experiences with this person and it somehow makes you feel excited. It's likely that it will also lead to something else. Although an emotional affair may involve sex, this isn't usually the case. Likely, it will also lead to something else.
How to stop an emotional affair?
Create healthy boundaries
Everyone needs to establish personal boundaries for what they will and won't put up with in a love relationship. But these restrictions should also be discussed together. For instance, you may decide that either of you is free to check the other's phone at any time and that both of you know the passwords. You should know that this level of closeness should only be with your partner.
Work on your relationship
Therefore, you must watch out that you don't become careless and disregard your spouse or your relationship as a whole. Make sure you work hard every day to show your significant other how much they mean to you. Work on your relationship and invest in your partner; your family deserves a chance.
Think about your desires and needs
Consider your needs from your partner to make your relationship emotionally stable. Think about what is indispensable and what turns you off. Once you've determined it for yourself, you must convey it to your spouse, and vice versa. Check that you're both addressing each other's needs in a manner that your partner desires.
Counseling or therapy
If you believe you have certain trauma or psychological traits that make you especially prone to cheating, you should seek individual counseling. It's critical to recognize the triggers that could lead to an affair. You might also consider going to couples counseling. Your relationship does not have to be awful to visit a therapist. Counseling can give you vital interpersonal and communication skills that can help you stay connected and make your marriage flourish.
Finally, you should know that no matter how connected you are to this other person, this relationship will not go anywhere, especially when you’re married. So, try as hard as you can to limit temptation and stay in control of your relationship.