Hey lovely readers,
This is a long post, but I really think you ladies might relate to a lot of it, so bear with me!
Our flight to Cancun was a very quiet one. Faisal barely touched me, even whenever I tried to hold his hand, he'd always pull away.
I was starting to feel very lonely already, and I was on my honeymoon. I couldn't talk to anyone about this, I mean this is super private between a husband and a wife, and I would never share anything like that to my friends or family.
So I just kept it bottled up, to the point I began to blame myself! I mean, maybe this never happened with his ex-wife, but now it's happening with me.
Was he not attracted to me? Do I not turn him on? I mean that must be it, right?
We spent our first day in Cancun in the dullest way ever. First of all, we were jet lagged, so the moment we got to our suite, we immediately took a nap.
I woke up a few hours later, but Faisal was still sleeping. Our suite was amazing, we had our own private pool with a sea view. It sounds amazing right, but this was only making me feel even more sad and more alone.
I decided to go for a swim and try and clear my head. I wanted to wear this red sexy bikini I had gotten just for our honeymoon. It was quite revealing, but I knew we had our private pool, so I thought it was something just for Faisal to enjoy.
After I wore it, I stared in the mirror and just felt extremely self-conscious. All I kept thinking was that it must be my body, that's why that 'incident' happened on our wedding night. I just stood there criticizing myself and blaming myself for thinking I can pull off such a swimsuit.
I decided to change, thank God I had packed a one-piece swimming suit. I changed, and looked at myself in the mirror again, and all I could think of was: Luci look at yourself, it's got to be you!
I just broke down and started to cry. I think everything just got to me, I was feeling so lonely, I mean I'm on my honeymoon and my husband refuses to talk to me. I also felt super guilty, because I was the reason my husband refuses to touch me.
After a few minutes I heard a knock at the door.
Faisal: Open the door Luci.
I put on the bath robe hanging in the bathroom and opened the door. But when I saw Faisal, I just burst out crying even more.
He hugged me so tight, and carried me to the bed, and I just cried in his arms till I fell asleep.
I woke up after what seemed like forever, and Faisal was still lying next to me with his arms around me. I didn't realize how much I needed the comfort, how much I needed to be touched.
He wiped the tears off my face, and started to apologize.
Faisal: I don't think I handled that situation properly.
Me: What makes you say that? (Sarcasm, I know, but it's all I could think of)
Faisal laughed, and just hugged me tighter.
Me: Look I need to get some things off my chest.
Faisal: I'm all ears!
So I started to explain to Faisal how I was feeling, the loneliness, the blame and the guilt, because I really needed to talk to someone and vent, and he was the only person that I could say all this to.
Faisal was shocked by all what I said to him. He just sat there quietly for a bit, opening his mouth to say something, then closing it every few seconds. I just sat there patiently waiting for his reaction.
He stood up, untied my robe and slid it off me. He walked me to the mirror and we stood right infront of it, Faisal standing behind me.
Faisal: In my eyes, the woman standing in front of us, is perfection.
He started playing with my hair.
Faisal: Her brown hair, goes perfectly with her skin and those gorgeous eyes. Her neck is so damn kissable I feel the need to contain myself when we're in public, because I just always want to shower it with kisses.
He moved his hands down to my stomach.
Faisal: As for her body, this woman has the curves, any man would dream of. And, she owns it! Whatever she wears, she makes it look fabulous, whether its sweat pants, dresses, jeans. It's when she wears a swimsuit that I go mad, because I don't want anybody sharing your curves with me.
He moved his hand over my chest.
Faisal: But the most thing I love about this woman, is her heart! Her honesty, kindness and thoughtfulness are why I want to spend the rest of my life and grow old with her.
He turned me around and looked me straight in the eyes!
Faisal: Luci, don't ever doubt yourself. Your confidence is one of the reasons I love you. You never cared what anyone says about you, and you never dare to look to others and compare yourself. I'm so sorry I made you doubt yourself, and I'm even more sorry for ruining everything. I've been feeling super guilty as well and would love to just start over back to the beginning of the wedding. I want a chance to just fix it ALL!
Me: Well, we're all alone in Cancun, I think we have that chance!
He hugged me again, and guess what ladies, that night we consummated our marriage!
I know you all probably have questions about the 'first night' and all that, so I'll try my best to share with you all the important facts I thought of, but if you have any other questions be sure to send them in.
So the 'first night' for a woman is something we all wait for and have expectations right. Thing is all couples are different, and just because it went that way for me, doesn't mean it will go the same way for you.
In my case, our situation was different, because of all what we went through, things happened very spontaneously and naturally, so there were zero expectation on both accounts. I mean, after what happened on our wedding night, I can safely say, we both had no idea what the end result was going to be.
The pain that we've all been told about... well, I'd give my experience a 7/10. Yea sure there was a little bit of pain, but it was totally bearable. I mean, I did not manage to get an orgasm, but I did manage to enjoy the intimacy with my husband.
It's a whole new level of closeness that I have never felt with Faisal.
I have to admit, I was a bit sore the next few days, and all the advice I had gotten before the wedding was to take a break after the first night and taking a few days off really helped me heal, down there I mean.
Faisal was super patient and understanding through it all, and if anything he made me feel even more sexy. Something I feel women don't talk about a lot is the effect sex has on you as a woman!
I felt more confident than ever on my honeymoon, and yes I did put on that sexy red bikini and Faisal loved it so much, if you know what I mean. (wink wink)
I lived through two weeks of bliss on my honeymoon. All the self-consciousness I was feeling just went away, and Faisal and I bonded with each other in various ways that really helped our relationship.
Stay tuned for my next post, Saturday at 11:00 AM (Cairo time)!