New to ‘Fustany Talks’? This is our latest series of articles where we have real conversations about topics that people are yet to open up about and discuss freely. Each of the Fustany Team members discusses it from their own personal experiences. Follow our #FustanyTalks for the latest content and join the conversation. You can also suggest our next topic here.
---I’ve attempted to write this article twice. And failed twice. I think reached a point where I don't even know the point of what i'm writing.
This got me thinking, why am I so blocked when it comes to writing this article? I never really struggle when it comes to writing something personal, I'm a huge sharer.
1. Is it because I don't even get the topic? Don't tell my manager.
2. Or is it because I might not even believe in the 5 languages of love? Don't tell my best friend.
3. OR...Is it because I have no clue what my love language is? Don’t tell my therapist...
I honestly think, after digging deep into my pretty self aware 'self', that it’s all 3 of these combined together in a messy puzzle of “huh?!"
So I decided to do The Love Language quiz. The second I started the quiz I instantly knew what my results would be. #1 Physical Touch (I grew up in family of huggers) and #2 Words of Affirmation (I'm always looking for external validation...don't get me started).
I finished the test and my first love language was as expected Physical Touch, but to my surprise Quality Time came in second before Words of Affirmation. I guess I've grown it out a little bit.
I think my struggle with accepting or finding my main love language comes from the fact that I’ve always had a problem with putting things into boxes or polarizing anything into black and white. For me, I’ve always found myself swimming in a pool of the ‘grey area’.
When it comes to love, however, I was 100% sure of what I wanted. I wanted an unconditional epic romance that was also comfortable and real. I know...again don’t get me started.
Anyways, when I got together with my now fiancé, it was my first relationship and I kind of let myself feel whatever i’m feeling and enjoy the ride as it is. I was very frank and honest about my feelings, what I wanted from him and the things that make me happy.
After taking the test, despite the results showing that physical touch is the most important to me, I realized that I have a little bit of everything. When I think about our relationship and what factors affected me the most and led me to falling in love, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch are the ones that affect me the most.
It’s funny really because I also realized this after looking at him and seeing how differently he expresses love. His strongest love language is Acts of Service. For him actions speak louder than words, which to be honest I totally agree with. However, for me words move me more than anything and the easiest way for me to express love is by literally saying how I feel.
Ever since I was a kid I remember that words and touch were always what affected me the most. Besides the fact that i’m a hugger, to say the least, I believe that Physical Touch, romantically or platonically, is one the strongest forms of expressing love and care. Sometmes when we’re lost for words trying to comfort someone there’s nothing you can do other than lay your hand on theirs or hold them.
Words of Affirmation, however, might be a bit problematic for me. Giving Words of Affirmation to show people I love them isn’t really a problem because I’ve always been better with words and I love telling people exactly how I feel about them or why they important for me, I write for a living after all...
However, the problem comes in because of my NEED for Words of Affirmation. For me, actions, quality time and gifts are often not enough. My mind tends to doubt and wander. I need someone to flat out tell me how they feel or tell me they like my hair and outfit. I have a need for validation that I've worked very hard on attempting to demolish.
Now, before this article starts getting lost again like with attempt 1 and 2, I guess what I'm trying to say is love languages actually do make sense and they do say a lot about us in relationships, friendships and with family. However, we shouldn't accept things as they are and we should try to bring out the best in that love language and not nuture the part of it that might come from a place that isn't the healthiest. At least that's what I'm currently working on...
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Main Image Credits: Instagram @virginia.rox