Fustany Talks: I Lost My Way of Self-Expression and Part of Me With It

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If you've been a long term Fustany reader, you might know that I used to love experimenting with my hair A LOT! Colors, haircuts, hairstyles, highlights, lowlights... whatever it is, I've tried it before because my hair was a reflection of me, and how I used to express myself. Until it started falling out and got too damaged, so I had to make a radical change and start treating it as a living thing and not a sketch I can draw on every time I felt like it.

I started taking care of it and nurturing it for months, and now it's been back to being shiny, strong and full for almost a year. But that also meant that I can no longer express myself as I used to, too scared to damage it again.

Honestly, being denied a way to express yourself could be very hard to accept, because it is part of your identity and a way for people to understand you a bit better. It's like wanting to speak but not finding the words you are looking for.

You might ask why I never tried to make up for it by using any other method to express myself... Well, the answer is as simple as: I didn't know how, because I've never had to before. Hair colors and cuts was my 'thing', I can't suddenly switch to another 'thing' just like that.

It took me a long time to find an alternative, and no matter what else I tried, I deeply miss 'my way' of expression, until I recently cut my hair the way I wanted to. It really felt like I'm getting part my old self back. That's when I knew that I can't keep restricting my self-expression anymore. I need to go back to how I used to, but I just need to be careful of not overdoing it. Color my hair like I used to, but make sure to not use harsh products that'll damage it. Cut my hair as much as I want and try out all the hairstyles I've been wanting to try for months.

I don't ever want to go back to that phase of being tied up. I just need to find a way around everything that has been restricting me from doing it.

If you have your own 'thing' for self-expression, don't let go of it for anything, so you can still enjoy yourself. More than anything else, be the 'you' you want to be, and find a solution to any circumstances that might holding you back, so you can always be yourself.

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