I like to think that when you're in a relationship, your partner is your person (a Grey's Anatomy reference), the person you always turn to and who makes you feel at ease. However, if they changed a little after being together for a while, such as having anger issues and they were never like that, or if they always had this problem and you were able to deal with it, but now it's out of control, I will help you today by telling you how to deal with a partner who has anger issues.
Let’s Start With a Few Things You Should Understand and Ask Yourself, “Why Does Your Partner Have Anger Issues?”
1. The First Question You Should Ask Yourself Is “Where Is Their Anger Coming From?”
If your partner has never had anger issues and all of a sudden they flip over any stupid thing, or if you both have been arguing a lot lately, you should look into the situation and see if they are going through anything that is affecting them, such as work-related problems, family drama, or anything else that is making them anxious and angry all of the time.
If the answer is yes, see if there is anything you can do to help them, such as supporting them or simply being there to let them know they have a good support system. This will affect how they react to situations, but always put yourself in their shoes before reacting to understand where their anger is coming from.
2. If They’ve Always Had Anger Issues but You’ve Reached the Point Where You Can’t Deal With Them, Here’s What You Need To Know
What you need to understand is that your partner's anger is motivated by a variety of factors. Some people use it as a shield to protect themselves from negative emotions like fear, sadness, or pain. Some people believe they are not being heard or appreciated sufficiently by those around them.
As a result, they believe that their anger will make them feel powerful and in control, but what they don't realize is that they are harming those around them. This is why it is important to show love and care for your partner and hold back from blaming and accusing them.
Now That You Know Where Their Anger Is Coming From, Let’s Talk About “How To Deal With Their Anger?”
1. Stay Calm When They Lash Out
The key to dealing with an angry partner is to stay calm. Even if you're having a heated conversation, don't start getting angry at them, because you can't fight fire with fire, and it will only make things worse. Nothing will be accomplished if you both scream at each other.
The trick here is to fight fire with water, so if they are being fire in the conversation, you are the water that will calm them down, and once they are calmed down, you can start addressing the issue you are having. It all comes down to timing and patience.
2. Listen to Each Other
After they've calmed down, you can start a rational conversation. Express what you are and are not okay with. For example, "I'm not okay with your loud voice." However, it is a two-way street; just as you are expressing your needs, your partner must do the same, as by now you have a clear understanding of where their anger is coming from. So, start saying things like, "I hear you and understand your problem; how do you think we can solve it?" It is important to show that you are making an effort to hear and understand what they are saying.
In other words, be an active listener. However, keep in mind that active listening does not imply agreeing with everything they say. It is about recognizing and considering the other person's point of view.
3. Be Honest With Yourself and Think About Your Own Behavior
An angry partner is likely to blame you or someone else for their outburst, and the important thing to remember is not to absorb the negativity and anger they load on you. This is something you must be very honest with yourself about and consider your actions. An important question you must ask yourself is, "Is there anything you're doing or not doing that provokes or worsens your partner's anger?"
The simplest thing for us humans to do in a situation is to blame ourselves, and here is something very important to understand: you are only responsible for your own actions, not those of others. If you need to apologize or change your behavior, do so and then move on.
4. Be the Positive Impact on Your Partner
Keep in mind that you are not attempting to change your partner; rather, you are attempting to influence them to become a better version of themselves. You can help them stay calm by creating a calm, positive environment for them, understanding where they are coming from, or doing sports together that will help their anger. I believe yoga is the answer to everything, so you can go do yoga together.
5. Seek Professional Help
Finally, if you've tried everything and still feel like things are out of control, there's nothing to be ashamed of in seeking professional help. After all, you're doing it for two reasons: first, you love your partner, and let's be honest, most of us would cross oceans for love! Second, you want to help your partner become a better version of themselves.
So, seeking help does not imply a lack of anything; rather, I believe it indicates that you have tried everything and want to save this relationship, and your partner will undoubtedly appreciate the amount of effort and love you put into it.
My Final Piece of Advice
Your relationship is your safe haven, and you need to feel comfortable talking to your partner about anything, so it's always best to talk to them whenever you're not feeling okay about something. The most important thing is to recognize when it is unsafe for you to leave, and yes, you have every right to leave if you have begun to fear their anger or no longer feel safe around them!
Main Image Credits: Glamour