Romantic relationships are not all roses and flowers as we’ve always thought when we were younger. Once you’re in a romantic relationship, you get to know the other person really well. He may have things in common or may be completely different; it all depends on how this person was raised and what he believes in. For example, you may have been raised in a loving home with your parents and siblings, but he spent his childhood moving between his divorced parents’ houses. These things can definitely affect his personality and psychology. We totally believe that the hardest thing in relationships is getting into your partner's mind to understand him better.
This makes it difficult for us to know if he truly loves us or not or is being manipulative. However, there are signs and indicators that may be of help to us in this journey, and the sooner we pay attention to them, the better. So, today we decided to finally bring up that question and ask you frankly; is your partner gaslighting you? Before you answer, think a little and take a look at these sentences that we listed below. If he says 5 of them, please reconsider your relationship with him.
Is your boyfriend gaslighting you? 15 sentences that tell you the truth!
NB: Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse in which someone manipulates you "to question your perceptions, experiences, or understanding of things," according to the American Psychological Association (APA).
1- “I never said that; it looks like your memory is messed up.”
We’re all humans and forgetting things is something that can happen to all of us. So, you may mistakenly think that he said something and it turns out you’re just confused. Nonetheless, if this happens quite often, this sentence should be your wake-up call. It doesn't make sense that you keep forgetting things every time only with him. So, be careful.
2- “If you care about me, you would…” / “If you love me, you would…”
We always use this sentence as a joke: “If you cared, I would…,” but this sentence is not healthy at all, especially when repeated. This sentence allows your partner to exploit your love for him and try to push you to do something just to prove that you really love him. On top of that, saying this sentence repetitively indicates that he puts your love for him to the test and makes you uncertain of your feelings towards him too.
3- "You're crazy..."
People tend to call each other crazy when we get angry about something or have an opposing point of view. Although calling each other “crazy” is offensive, it can be forgiven once or when used as a joke. But when you are repeatedly accused of insanity and making a big deal out of everything, being called crazy will lead you to question yourself, your judgment, your perception of things, and your mental health as well. Your partner basically uses this sentence to avoid being responsible for something or discussing a specific matter.
4- "That's why you don't have friends."
Your manipulative partner may use this sentence defensively to avoid admitting to making a mistake. Additionally, he uses this sentence to attack and belittle you and distract you from thinking about what he did.
5- "That's why you should stay away from your friends/family..."
This is another phrase that your partner may often use to control and isolate you from the circle of support around you, whether they are friends or family. When you will feel weaker, this gives him the edge to stay in control.
6- “This happened because of you/You made me do it.”
Whether he cheated on you, lied, or deceived you, if he blames it on you, this is a serious sign of gaslighting. On the one hand, he admits to what he did just to satisfy your desire to know the truth. On the other hand, he blames it all on you to hold you responsible for what he did, accusing you of negligence, making a big deal out of everything, not paying attention to him, and the list goes on.
7- “Your children/friends/family know you’re not good enough.”
This is probably the most toxic phrase you’ll ever come across! We all know the effect that these words may have on us. This sentence can lower your self-esteem, make you feel lonely and that no one loves you. It can also make you believe that there is no place for you but with him. How toxic is that?!
8- “You are overly sensitive.”
Have you ever tried to express your feelings and show how much pain you feel to find your partner saying: “You are too much or you are too sensitive?” Your partner uses this phrase to make you believe that you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. So, instead of blaming him, you start blaming yourself and wondering why you’re being too much. Dear, you are not overly sensitive as he says; you have the right to express yourself and your feelings whenever you feel like it. And you shouldn’t be blamed for doing so!
9- “You always make me angry.”
The person who keeps gaslighting you will not only accuse you of being insane and overly sensitive, but will also blame you for your feelings and accuse you of being the reason behind their constant anger. He makes you feel responsible for making him happy and not disturbing him, even if this is at the expense of your happiness!
10- “No one is going to believe you.”
In romantic relationships, when your partner is more powerful and dominant than you, he takes advantage of it. For example, if you are an antisocial person, he’ll show off that he has many friends. Or if you’re not so good at expressing your feelings, he’ll pretend to be so expressive all the time. He’ll always have you believe that everyone loves him, in an attempt to stop you from complaining or even thinking about separating from him.
11. “I am the only one in charge in this relationship.”
Does your partner always blame you when you waste money, or break a cup, or when one of your children gets hurt? Does he always accuse you of being negligent and irresponsible while your household’s responsibility should fall on both of you? Well, we’re sorry to tell you that this is another sign of gaslighting.
12- “I am not upset… what are you talking about?”
Does your partner give you the silent treatment? We feel for you. Dear, he is not being silent to let it go peacefully, especially when he’s intentionally showing his anger in an obscure way. He is being silent to make you regretful and unable to understand his feelings. Believe us, a straightforward man who doesn't gaslight you will be open to talking about what happened or what made him upset if he really wants to let it go.
13- “I remember very well that you did it/you told me so..”
The number of mental games your partner may play on you is countless. One of the most common mind games is messing up your memory. He’ll constantly try to convince you that you did or told him something, but you actually never did. In the beginning, he accuses you of forgetting things regularly. Then, he makes up situations and things and convinces you that they’re real. And as soon as you’re convinced, this means that he’s replacing your memory with another of his own imagination.
14-"You need to change; it's for the best.."
None of us is perfect and we all live with that. When you meet someone honest, he may confront you with the things you need to work on to become a better person. But what you must consider a red flag is when your partner tells you that your whole personality needs changing. When he says that, he drives you to lose your self-confidence and makes you feel weak. Plus, he's also trying to shape your personality in a way that suits and pleases him, and you certainly don't need that. Remember to always love yourself and put it first.
15-"You should not think about it / get angry about it.."
There is a difference between sympathy and trying to control your feelings and putting them in a certain frame. Yes, your partner can tell you that you should not think about something that bothers you too much in order to relieve you. However, when he continues to suppress your feelings repetitively, that’s a red flag.
Main image credit: Instagram @alyssalynch