When you’re in a relationship, it’s pretty much hearts and roses most of the time. You’re crazy about each other and talking about everything to find out more about one another. However, when things get serious, the topics you discuss may take turns and get more serious too. At some point, you’ll have to know how much he makes and whether or not he wants you to be financially responsible with him once you get married.
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Discussing these financial matters may get super awkward and cringy, especially when you don’t know how or when to start. We’re here to help you overcome this difficulty and show you how and when to start talking about money with him, so keep reading and take notes.
How to start talking about money in a relationship?
Pop Indirect Questions
For starters, we need to normalize talking about money in our relationships. It is normal to know each other’s financial statuses and plans for the future, especially when things get serious. However, if you don’t like asking direct questions about his salary or financial situation, go with indirect conversation-opening questions. Things like “I’m thinking about creating a monthly budget to save some money; do you use one?” or “my parents used to fight about money all the time, did yours?” can create excellent conversations, where you can learn more about his financial situation and future plans.
Notice How He Spends Money Regularly
Naturally, men start their relationships by being too generous. Your boyfriend may take you to the fanciest of places once you start dating, but after a while, he doesn’t spend as much money as he used to or doesn't take you to these fancy restaurants anymore. That is expected from most guys as they use money to impress their girlfriends. Once things get serious, notice how he spends money and whether he pays every time or lets you pay.
How Does He Feel About Your Work?
Disagreements about financial aspects are considered the most dangerous of all between married couples. In many situations, a man refuses to let his wife work after marriage so she can take care of home chores, cooking, and other domestic responsibilities. Ask him what he thinks about this concept and find out if he wants you to work to pursue and improve your career or let you share expenses with him.
Ask Him About His Future Plans or Dreams
On a nice romantic evening, maybe while holding hands, ask him what he dreams about. He’s going to tell you about all the things he fantasizes about like buying the latest model of BMW or living in a villa worth millions of pounds. And eventually, he’s going to tell you how he may make these dreams happen. He might share his savings plan, tell you that he’ll find a second job to support him financially, especially after marriage, or at least share his salary details with you.
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When to start talking about money in a relationship?
Wait Until You’re Serious
In any relationship, every couple takes their time to know each other well and find out whether or not they will spend the rest of their lives together. Once you figure out that he’s the one and ensure that he feels the same, you may start popping the above questions. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together; people may take years to finally decide if their relationship is serious or not.
Choose Your Timing Smartly
Probably one of the worst times you could bring up such a sensitive topic is when you guys are in a fight. Talking about money is stressful in itself. You don’t need to make things more complicated and tense by bringing it up when you’re both not in the mood. Plus, even if you start discussing this topic, you won’t get the information you need.
If He Brings It up, Do The Same
Generally, men don’t think or worry too much about the future, while women do the exact opposite. Women like to think about their future plans and what can happen in the near and far future. However, if your man brings up this topic and asks about your salary or how you’re going to afford to live together once you get married, start asking him questions too. Remember that there’s nothing wrong with asking your partner money-related questions. After all, you’ll be living with him for the rest of your life.
After He Proposes
When your man proposes, that means that he’s serious about you and the whole relationship. He wants you to be his forever. While this is probably every girl’s dream, being proposed to carries some responsibilities for both of you. You two should normalize talking about money and how your financial situation is and how it’s going to be in the future. Do not get engaged to him before at least knowing how much he makes and how you’re going to afford marriage expenses.
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Finally, if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t like money-related discussions and think they’re awkward, you may need to go with the indirect approach. Instead of asking your partner about his salary or how he’s going to afford marriage expenses, ask subtle questions that make talking about money not too stressful for you. Moreover, don’t bring up this topic when you’re still in the beginning stages of your relationship as he may think that you’re a materialistic person.
Main image credit: @tezza