“My hubby is pretty cynical. He always complains and is grumpy all the time. He always finds something wrong with everything and is depressed all the time. Sometimes, I don't know how to support him or tolerate him. What can I do, in the face of his powerful negativity, to maintain my positive attitude?”
21 Cute Christmas Date Ideas for All Couples
If you can relate to this, then you’ll benefit a lot from this article because we’ll specifically show you how to deal with your negative husband while staying positive. But first, you need to understand why your husband is behaving that way. He could be depressed or just generally negative. He may be so consumed by his negative energy that he is unable to recognize how miserable he’s making himself or the toxic impact he’s having on others. Moreover, when you see the good in things and people, he could make fun of you or even label you as naïve.
So here’s what you need to do to deal with your husband’s negative attitude:
Empathy and Compassion
Focus on being a positive influence and set an example for your spouse. Show them by example the compassion and kindness you want them to possess. Your partner could find it harder and harder to react negatively to your positivity over time. Moreover, always put yourself in your husband’s shoes and think about the life events that affected how he perceived the world. It's possible that the life of your spouse has been shaped by a painful or overpowering experience. This could include bullying, molestation, having violent parents, encountering loss at a young age, and several other scenarios.
Surround Yourself with a Strong Support System
You probably know that our partners can’t fulfill all of our needs. If we discuss positive events or unique ideas with our partners only, and they react negatively, the concept will be crushed before it can even exist. Being able to rely on supporting friends is essential for keeping our optimism and hope alive. A daily practice of self-discipline or spirituality might also lessen the negative effects they have on us. There are many other methods that might be used for this, including gratitude, prayer, intentions, and energetic work to create a symbolic or protective bubble.
Photo credit: @tezza.barton
Why Divorced Moms Are Real Life Superheroes
Learn to Forgive
It is easy to allow your anger and bitterness about your partner's unkind behavior to grow. Focus on forgiving them and moving on, rather than letting their attitude affect yours. For example, if you bought a new dress, showed it to your husband, and his reaction was disappointing and rather rude, try not to let your anger control you. Learn to forgive him by understanding that his unkindness to you is caused by several unfortunate past events. Maybe his dad used to treat his mom this way and he was raised to learn that this is the only way to treat women!
Boundaries define the behaviors you will and won't accept in a relationship. Make it clear that there are boundaries to what you will accept while acknowledging that your partner is free to have feelings. Once you've established these boundaries, be prepared to enforce them if necessary. Your husband can get as negative as he wants, but this should never give him the right to use violence in any manner, for instance.
Take Good Care of Yourself
Don't let the negativity of your partner affect your health or well-being. Make sure you are taking good care of yourself, including receiving enough rest and attention. His dissatisfaction with life, anger, pessimism, and nonstop negative thoughts should never affect your peace of mind. You should have some time alone, dedicated to yourself where you can find peacefulness and relaxation. Remember that he might not even recognize that what he’s doing isn’t normal. It is you who should stay positive and work hard on maintaining this positive attitude.
How and When Should You Start Discussing Finances with Your Future Husband?
Your Husband’s Emotional Energy Isn’t Your Responsibility
When you shoulder the blame for someone else's attitude or negative energy, it begins to belong to you, and your body, mind, and soul react as if you're genuinely guilty and need to make things right. We can frequently feel overburdened and exhausted when we endure this burden and absorb their anxiety. You are not accountable for someone else's happiness, no matter how much you care and love them. In other words, you are responsible for yourself and your feelings.
Confront Him Compassionately
Compassionately confronting a negative spouse is the most effective approach. Frequently, the spouse is unaware of how nasty they have become. Having this conversation can be awkward as no one likes to have their flaws pointed out to them. But gently confronting the spouse to give them a chance to change is a moral thing to do. This offers the partner the chance to discuss any support they might require to improve their ways and stop being negative.
Finally, we understand how your spouse’s negativity can affect your marriage and your relationship with them. Therefore, it is best to seek professional advice and help, should these tips not prove effective. Both of you deserve to be happy, so don’t hesitate to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work and maintain your happiness.