Relationships are complicated and we all know it. If it’s not from personal experience, it’s other people’s complicated love stories. Marriage, though, is something else. When your boyfriend and you start your relationship, it’s expected to face challenges and obstacles, and you may break up several times before you decide to commit to a serious relationship together. It is when you get married that you become more responsible and mature. As a married couple, you pretty much know how to handle problems and how to overcome challenges.
Unfortunately, sometimes, things don’t work and both parties decide that divorce is inevitable. So, what if your ex-husband suddenly realizes that he’s made a mistake and wants to get back together with you? What should you do then? Before jumping to conclusions, you need to consider a few things and ask yourself some questions when it comes to getting back together with your ex-husband. Read this to know what you should do.
Why did you break up?
It is mandatory to ask yourself this question once your ex makes it clear that he wants to get back together with you. What is the main reason or reasons that made you decide that you cannot live together under the same roof? What is it that you couldn’t work out or find a solution to? The answers to these questions alone will tell you whether or not getting back together is worth it. If, for example, you divorced him because he was abusive and violent, it is unlikely that he’s changed.
In some cases, the reason behind your divorce could be you. Not every woman can abide by marriage or commitment. If the problem was you, it’s important to be honest and true to yourself. Have you changed? Do you still view marriage as controlling or obstructive? If the answer to the last question is yes, then you know what to do.
Consider the changes
“Nothing is forever; good things never last. And learning in the future is based on lessons from the past.”
Nothing makes more sense than Creed’s Just Fine lyrics. Because nothing is forever, the reasons why you got divorced may have changed. Maybe you were too young when you got married and couldn’t work things out and now that you’re older and more mature, you two could give your marriage another chance. Your former partner may have had a problem of some sort that made it difficult for him to communicate with you and now he’s changed after therapy, for example. You will be responsible for assessing the situation and finding out the changes that happened ever since you got divorced.
Do you trust your ex?
Trust is key to any successful relationship, without which your marriage will never stand a chance. If there isn’t mutual trust between you and him, how do you expect getting back together will work? If your ex has betrayed your trust during your relationship by cheating or crossing certain boundaries, you need to ask yourself if you truly trust him now. If your answer is no, don’t worry; trust can be rebuilt yet it takes time. Establishing trust can be done by gradually becoming friends and re-engaging with him. It is a clue that things might truly work out if your ideals match. Even though he might be eager to rekindle a romantic relationship with you, rebuilding that friendship might be beneficial, especially if you still need some time to resolve your trust issues with your ex.
The decision should be yours
Unfortunately, divorced women are looked down upon in Arab societies and are considered a living problem. As a divorced woman, your parents are either trying to convince you to get back together with your husband or remarry someone else just because they cannot stand that their daughter is divorced! When your former husband makes it clear that he wants you back, it is only up to you to decide whether or not you should get back together with him. Not your parents, not your friends, not even your kids have the right to interfere with your decision. At the end of the day, it is you who will face the cruel consequences of a wrong decision.
Don’t confuse love with lust
If it's difficult to tell the difference between lust and love, just consider the following: When you think about your ex, do you only recall powerful sexual memories of your moments together? Physical attraction, not necessarily a strong emotional bond, is what drives sexual attraction. So, if your ex was amazing in bed, this doesn’t mean that you two have a great emotional connection; it might be only physical. Intimacy, passion, and commitment are the three main aspects of love that define romantic relationships. If these three aspects are present in your ex, you may call your feelings towards him, love.
Figure out your needs
This is your chance to get real about what you need in order to be happy in your relationship. Don’t be afraid to lay all of your cards on the table. Relationships are meant to make us feel complete and happy. If yours isn’t going to make you feel so, it is not worth it! Tell him what you need and what you cannot have. Be honest and don’t hesitate to open up about everything that wasn’t ideal for you when you were married.
Address old problems
Now that you’re thinking about getting back with your ex, you need to address old issues because heads up, it is likely that old problems and fights might creep into your new marriage. Don’t be alarmed though. As long as you know how to handle issues and overcome them without jeopardizing your relationship, you’re safe. No marriage is perfect; fights and quarrels are inevitable. It is how to deal with them that makes or breaks a marriage.
Take it slow
Once you've made the decision to proceed with your reunion tour, keep in mind that you don't have to move forward immediately. It could be enticing to continue where you left off, but it can be immensely beneficial to take your time and let things settle before putting labels on them once more. Why? Considering that you need time to figure out your needs and regain trust.
Finally, we will never tell you what to do when it comes to getting back together with your former husband, but we’ll always support you by suggesting what needs to be done beforehand. When you do these listed things, you’ll have an informed decision that will most likely be a great one.